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Happy New Year, people! The year is almost all dried up, but I'm still as scrappy as ever. Throughout 2008 I have answered hundreds, perhaps even billions, of your questions about all things Hollywood, and I have done it with a smile on my face and a song on my lips.
But I didn't answer all of them. In fact, there are plenty I will never, ever answer, not in 2008, not in 2009. Even if you pull up in front of my house and play Lady Gaga at full volume day and night until my ears wither and crack right off of my skull.
Here is a list of those questions, plus an obligatory/bonus Rob Pattinson mention. Please do not put them in my inbox. I love you all.
1. Is Zac Efron gay? Is Jada Pinkett Smith gay? Is Chace Crawford gay? Are any of the Jonas Bros gay? Will wearing this color make me gay?
2. Is Brenda Song a virgin? How much money does she make? Has she ever dated a Jonas Brother? What's Brenda Song doing right now? How about...right...now?
3. Hey, can I be your B!tchling? I live in Arkansas, but you can fly me out there, right?
4. How much money does each member of the cast of Gossip Girl make, in precise dollars and cents?
5. Can you get me and my nine-person family into the Oscars?
6. How many whales died so Meg Ryan could have lips?
7. How can I get a date with Selena Gomez?
8. What's the personal, secret email address for Jennifer Aniston/Miley Cyrus/Brad Pitt/Robert Pattinson?
9. You tell me. What question have I missed? Fire off in the comments section below. And seriously, happy 2009!
Got a question about Hollywood? ASK IT: email@example.com