Is Johnny Depp Actually the Real-Life Mad Hatter? An E! Investigation

The resemblance is uncanny.

By Seija Rankin May 27, 2016 4:49 PMTags
Johnny DeppDave J Hogan/Getty Images

Here at E! we have just discovered one of Hollywood's deepest and darkest secrets; one that the industry has been conspiring to keep hidden for years. It's time to blow the lid off this evil scheme once and for all. Gird your loins, because this is going to be shocking. 

Johnny Depp is actually the Mad Hatter. 

We know, we know. It's a hard pill to swallow. But what about his short-lived divorce to Amber Heard? Make-believe characters can't get married, you say. But they can! And what about that dog smuggling fiasco? The Mad Hatter would never do that, you say. But he would!

We have spent the past week uncovering this mystery, and we're here to present you our findings. We're digging deep through all the evidence, and we think you'll agree that only one single conclusion can be found. 

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Walt Disney Studios

First, let's think about the wardrobe. Flamboyant vest, obscenely wide collars, colors not found in nature, kicky yet unnecessary hat. We describe not a scene from Alice Through the Looking Glass, but the every day duds of Johnny Depp himself. While the world has been operating under the assumption that the actor simply preferred to dress like a 1920's bootlegging gangster on vacation in Havana, it would appear we have been duped. It has actually been the real Mad Hatter's attempt at disguising himself as a non-fairy tale human man. Just look for yourself—with your eyes wide open this time. 

Here is the Hatter arriving to Jimmy Kimmel's show last fall, waving at his best pal, The March Hare. (He's hiding, obviously.)

VIPix/Splash News

And here is the Mad Hatter, sporting his signature hat, collar, and laughably oversized jacket, alongside former costar and Depp Truther Dakota Johnson at the Hollywood Film Awards. At first glance it would appear he is acknowledging all the fans who have awarded "Johnny" with praise and trophies for Black Mass, when in actuality he is tipping his hat to the fools he has managed to deceive about his true identity. The Mad Hatter loves a mind game!

Kevin Winter/Getty Images

In this photo the Hatter attempts to distract the world with his rock n' roll tattoos and biker hat, but upon further inspection it is clear that his outfit is just a re-purposed suit from a tea party held earlier in the day, and he is not-so-patiently waiting to get back to his kettle and biscuits. 

Kevin Mazur/WireImage
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And finally, we see him comfortable in his natural habitat of magic mushrooms at last.

Alex J. Berliner/ABImages via image.net

When one gets the opportunity to speak with "Johnny," one quickly realizes that his personality is eerily similar to that of his "onscreen counterpart." His adoring public often assumes that his occasionally erratic personality and difficult to follow speaking patterns are simply the result of an overactive creative mind who just can't be understood by laypeople, but he is in fact simply attempting speak in non-riddle form. A task that has often roved tricky, of course.

Take earlier this week, when Johnny/Hatter spoke to E!'s own Catt Sadler at the premiere of his movie/real-life story Alice Through the Looking Glass. Sadler inquired as to how the actor/tea party enthusiast finds the time to start a family with his (now soon-to-be-ex) wife Amber Heard, asking "When you're working and traveling, how do you find time to make babies?" And Johnny/Hatter responded with: "How do you make babies? Well it is the 21st century and there's all kinds of strange digital things, but I think, I think, I think that babies are still made the same way with the stork and all that, so we'll just wait for the stork." 

The only plausible way to make sense of that answer would be to realize that Catt was, in fact, speaking to the Mad Hatter himself. 

And what say we of this year's much talked-about spectacle, the dog smuggling apology video? Why, 'tis simply a case of bad acting! Just imagine what you would do if you were a hatter from an upside-down land full of magic mushrooms, sent to Australia and forced to record a movie in which you apologize for trying to bring your dog into that country illegally. You would probably say, "Australians are just as unique, both warm and direct. When you disrespect Australia law, they will tell you firmly."

So just why has the Mad Hatter continued with this charade for so many years? Why hasn't he felt empowered to show the world his true, mad self? To that we answer in a way only the Hatter would: We haven't the slightest idea.

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