Universal PicturesWelcome to Pop Culture Debates, our new monthly series that pits E! editor against E! editor in a bid to solve society's greatest arguments. Is One Direction better without Zayn? Should Carrie have ended up with Big? Were they really on a break? We'll get to the bottom of all this and more.
Last month we took on the ultimate reality show rumble, and this month we're tackling a debate as old as time: male bodies. That's right, it's about time for the objectifying shoe to try out the other foot. Neighbors 2: Sorority Rising hits theaters today, pitting Seth Rogen devotees against Zac Efron and his followers in a fight to find the best movie physique. Will Seth Rogen, with his dad bod extraordinaire, come out on top? Our editor Jenna Mullins says yay. Or does Zac Efron's 12-pack take the sugar-and-dairy-free cake? E!'s Seija Rankin will convince you just so.
Hot Bods
Zac Efron stan, reporting for business!
Now, before you lump me in with the rest of the bandwagon fans who jumped on board circa that Rolling Stone white T-shirt cover, know that I have been with Zac since High School Musical. The first one, when he was but a pubescent boy with a few silky strands of hair. So I have earned the right to covet his hot bod of today.
It may seem vapid and shallow to judge someone solely by the amount of (beautiful, beautiful) muscles they have. That's because it is vapid and shallow. But hey, welcome to Hollywood baby! Where the abs are more defined and the shame is...shamier. But I'm a woman, and I've been subjected to society's beauty norms for my entire life, so now it's my turn to give it back a little. If I have to give half my paycheck to SoulCycle just to feel halfway normal in this world, then I'm going to take some time to ogle someone who has probably spent more than my entire salary on workouts.
But if anyone's checked recently, I'm pretty sure that Zac Efron actually enjoys being the object of hot-bod-ily affection. I'm actually doing him a favor by enjoying his muscles more than his brain. (You're welcome.)
What's more, I truly do believe that certain hot bods (like one Efron, of course) are more like pieces of fine art than they are human vessels. Let's just take a second to pay homage to the amount of time and energy that goes into creating rippling biceps like these:
He is lifting a tire for Pete's sake. Lifting. A. Tire. Zac has been extremely open about the hours he logs in the gym and the sacrifices he makes in the kitchen to look the way he does. His life is basically pumping iron and eating plain chicken in one continuous loop. And what better way to reward him for that effort than by ogling? Hot bods practically defy scientific logic, especially those in Hollywood—after all, when was the last time you saw someone like that walking around amongst the regular people?
Personally, I give back to the hot-bodded community in so many ways, but mostly with my money. Like this weekend, when I will fork over approximately nine too many dollars to sit in a dark movie theater and observe Zac Efron's hot body on the big screen. He'll be there alongside Seth Rogen's dad bod to provide pretty much the opposite of comic relief: Relief for the eyes. I will watch his hot bod squeeze into too-small shorts. I will watch his hot bod battle sorority sisters. I will watch his hot bod perform a dance routine that was most certainly only meant for people with, at maximum, four percent body fat.
Will I be in awe of his wit, his mind, his ability to brighten my dad with only a few well-timed words? No, that's what Seth Rogen is for. But I think we can all agree that Zac's contribution is equally as valuable.
Dad Bods
You wanna know why the best dudes are the ones who were considered "uncool" in high school? Because they actually had to develop personalities since they couldn't rely on their looks. A six-pack can only give you so much in a relationship. But if that six-pack comes with a terrible personality, you're kind of screwed, aren't you?
That's the basis for my argument that dad bods are actually way better than Zac Efron-esque muscles. I'm all about that Seth Rogen stature. Bear-like. Soft. Snuggly. A physique that you know comes complete with the best hugs in the world.
And you know that dad bod is coming with a funny, kind and smart human being. And doesn't the sight of a slightly pudgy midsection make you want to snuggle up? Like the great poet Marshall Eriksen said on How I Met Your Mother: "I'm cuddly, bitch!"
When you climb into bed at night, do you want to be lying on a rock hard concrete slab? No! You want to be nestled up against soft blankets and squishy pillows. Now imagine that feeling in the form of another person. Pure bliss, right? Those dad bods make for the best lazy mornings, because A) he's probably not waking up early to go to the gym and in doing so, making you feel like s--t for not going with him. And B) that man with the big boned physique will wrap you up like The Mountain from Game of Thrones cradles his little puppy.
You'll feel safe, sexy and comforted. And who could possibly turn that down?!