Jordan Strauss/Invision/APIf you happen upon any "MISSING" posters with Ozzy Osbourne's face on them...
Feel free to disregard.
News broke Saturday that the Black Sabbath rocker and his wife of nearly 34 years, Sharon Osbourne, had split up. A source told E! News that they had mutually agreed that Ozzy should temporarily move out, so... Off he went.
By Monday, however, The Sun was reporting that their son, Jack Osbourne, was "desperate" to speak with his dad but Ozzy had gone missing. Hence a crop of attributive headlines announcing that the 67-year-old artist, whose battles with substance abuse over the past four decades are the stuff of heavy metal legend, was "missing."
Obviously his troublesome history is what spurred the jumped-to conclusion that a call going to voicemail or some un-returned texts were the same thing as a mysterious disappearance.
But while that report made the rounds, E! News was first to speak with Ozzy himself, and we were happy to exclusively report that he was safe and sound. And, more importantly, sober.
"I have been sober for three and a quarter years," Ozzy relayed while checking in personally with E!'s Melanie Bromley. "I have not touched drugs or alcohol in that time. Any reports that I am not sober are completely inaccurate."
And following an initial report that he had checked into the Beverly Hills Hotel, we learned that he was staying with a member of his family. And then, of course, Ozzy was actually photographed walking in Beverly Hills, wedding ring on, with one of his dogs.
So far, a "free event & announcement" being touted by Ozzy and Slipknot frontman Corey Taylor is still on for Thursday at noon PT at the Hollywood Palladium, but it was never entirely clear whether the rockers were planning on showing up themselves.
The real question, meanwhile, could very well have been: Where's Sharon?! She's the one who skipped work yesterday.
But the family matriarch returned to The Talk today, obviously ready to break her silence, which she did without saying a word.
"Is that a tall glass of lemonade?" co-host Julie Chen asked pointedly as the camera zoomed in on Sharon's still diamond-wedding-ring-bedecked hand holding the picturesque glass of "take that, husband."
"Yes it is, and I'm loving it," Sharon smiled. She also blithely confirmed that Ozzy returned home, and now she has moved out.
Sharon and Ozzy were the subject of split rumors back in 2013, as well, and it was on The Talk in April of that year that she revealed her husband had fallen off the wagon.
When he sat down for an interview on The Howard Stern Show that June, Ozzy said he was "back on" the wagon and had been sober for 101 days. Asked how it happened, he deadpanned, "You know, went right down the f--king road or whatever."
"You know I'm an alcoholic, so you know, for me not to drink ain't right, you know?" he added. "It happens sometimes when I've got a few years under my belt." Asked if he got depressed, Ozzy retorted, "No, just wanted to get f--king drunk."
"I've got the f--king national guard with me now" on tour, he joked.