Gwyneth Paltrow never saw Chris Martin as the enemy.
When the former power couple announced their separation in 2014—"conscious uncoupling," as they called it—the exes promised to remain friends for the sake of their kids, Apple Martin, 11, and Moses Martin, 10. But they also vowed to stay close for each other's sakes. "I think that I'm very lucky in that I have such a willing partner in agreeing with, and teaching me, as much as I taught him. And bringing to me, as much as I brought to him, ideas about how to do it in a really gentle way, so it would be really gentle for Chris and myself," Gwyneth recalls in the June issue of the U.K.'s Red magazine. "We loved each other very much, and we still do love each other, and we have these two beautiful children together. I thought, 'I wonder if there's a way where we don't have to do that to our kids and we can just carry on having family dinners.'"
Today, Gwyneth and Chris' relationship is the best it's ever been.
But, according to Gwyneth, it didn't happen overnight.
"We had broken up a year before we announced it, so we would have this time to work through everything," she says of making sure a breakup was what they both wanted. "It's also almost about having to press the 'override' button whenever you feel angry or jealous or whatever, broken-hearted. You have to press the button: I'm going back to the baseline of 'I love this person, he's the father of my children, he's a wonderful man. I'm just going to put my s--t aside for right now.' It really has not been easy for me at times; I'm sure it's not been easy for him."
"When we said we're going to put the children first, we meant [it]. If you want to put your children first then why are you slagging your husband off in front of them? So we really tried, [and] that meant, 'I'm gonna check my s--t at the door, and I'm going to focus on all the reasons that I love you, that you're like my brother and my family forever and we'll deal with that stuff another time.' It's not always easy, but it's just the way we wanted to try to do it," says Paltrow, who recently published her third cookbook, It's All Good. "I have to say it wasn't the outcome we were hoping for, but it was our outcome and we've really done the best that we can."
The last three years have been especially transformative for the 43-year-old actress. "At 40, my life changed so much. I think every woman around that time gets this massive software upgrade. You're just different. You're upgraded. For me, there were just a bunch of changes I had to make to really be true to myself and really live my happiness. And you have to be brave and make the choice to do that, to truly accept yourself and love yourself and really forgive yourself for your missteps," the Goop founder/CEO says. "So, it's been a long interesting road to get to the place where I feel really content and that I really know myself and like myself. I wish they could teach girls to do this when they are 16 instead of 40, but that's part of life."
The full interview appears in the June issue of Red.