Joel Ryan/Invision/APGet your heads out of the gutter, people! We expected better.
Late last night a picture surfaced from the London premiere of Captain America: Civil War that featured costars Paul Bettany, Elizabeth Olsen and Chris Evans. At first glance it appears to be a silly blooper; three gorgeous actors caught in between poses on what was most likely a very bright red carpet full of flashbulbs and people yelling and tons of crazed fans. And everyone knows that the Internet loves a blooper—especially one as possibly salacious as this.
The World Wide Web went wild with the headlines. "Elizabeth Olsen Stuns in Plunging Retro Gown, and Chris Evans Can't Stop Staring!" "Chris Evans Caught Staring at Elizabeth Olsen's Breasts!" "Chris Evans Wants to Bury His Head in Elizabeth Olsen's Chest." Scandal!
But what would you say if everyone—The Entire Internet—was wrong about this photo? That in fact this image does not capture Chris Evans in an accidental moment voyeurism. That he has a legitimate excuse to be looking, well, there. Several legitimate excuses, in fact.
We've harnessed our superpowers to journey inside of Captain America's brain and unearth the true reasons for this indiscretion-that's-not-actually-an-indiscretion. The shocking truth is below.
1. He was blowing up an invisible balloon while also nursing a horrible neck injury that prevents him from looking anywhere but to the side.
2. Elizabeth, in a gesture of pure friendship, packed a sandwich in a fanny pack inside her dress for Chris to snack on during the movie, and he suddenly remembered it was there.
3. He was drinking an invisible cocktail through an invisible straw without ruining his invisible lipstick.
4. He placed a cue card inside of Elizabeth's dress in case he forgot which side of the Civil War he was on.
5. He momentarily thought that Elizabeth was Ironman, poised to continue the battle right there on the red carpet.
6. He was thinking about how important feminism is to him, and this is his I'm-Thinking-About-Feminism-Pose, okay?
7. He was admiring the great artistry of her décolletage shimmer-applier.
8. And also wondering how he could get some décolletage shimmer like that himself.
9. He dropped his gum.
10. He just realized he packed that exact same outfit for the next night.
11. Her necklace accidentally hypnotized him.
12. And then he fell asleep, and this is how he sleeps.
13. Elizabeth stole a cookie from the green room and tried to hide it in her dress.
14. There was, like, a giant spider.
15. He wanted to see what it would take to get everyone talking about him and not Ironman.