Yosra El-Essawy/Invision for Parkwood Entertainment/AP ImagesThere are certain known facts in the world and one of them is: Nobody gets the better of Beyoncé.
People have tried. Lesson learned. But why is anyone still trying? She's the Teflon goddess, the unmovable mountain, Queen Bey. Above. It. All.
And yet not in a bad way! The platinum-selling, Grammy-winning artist has every reason to act as if she can walk on water, but she somehow manages to come off as humble. She may even actually be humble.
Basically, Beyoncé has quietly managed her life to perfection, creating a forbidding yet inviting wall around herself that prevents the nonsense of others from actually permeating the barrier.
The latest to think they could passive aggressively shame Sasha Fierce is athletic-wear company Lululemon—onetime maker of yoga pants so thin you could see a gal's lady bits. In response to the launch of Beyonce's own active-wear line, Ivy Park, the company tweeted out the none-too-subtle suggestion that the concept looked a little…familiar.
Well!
First of all, just try to cross the Beyhive. You will get stung on social media and the queen herself doesn't have to lift a finger.
Beyonce hasn't said anything in response, nor, most likely, will she ever. But one fan literally tweeted to her fellow protectors, "#BeyHive, get in #Formation and GO!" And thus a social media phalanx was formed.
It's just odd that Lululemon opted to shade a celebrity with one of the most intense fan bases in fandom. It certainly didn't work for Rudy Giuliani…
The most recent Beyoncé-centric brouhaha was started by the former mayor of New York, who complained that the star's Super Bowl performance of her then-brand-new single "Formation" was anti-police.
Google "defends Beyoncé" and see what happens.
"Are you saying you can't talk about race issues to middle America?" Jessica Williams fired back on The Daily Show. "What are they, so delicate and unaware and maybe so white that Beyoncé is too much for them? You know what's in the middle of middle America? Ferguson, Missouri. I am so sorry that this wasn't wholesome enough for you. I didn't realize that singing about race was the equivalent to Janet Jackson getting her titty pulled out at the Super Bowl."
And TDS's Senior Beyoncé Correspondent was hardly the only one raring to not only defend the singer, but also to make sure that the person who created an issue where there wasn't one in the first place was shamed—shamed!—to fruition. Another teachable moment courtesy of someone who got it all wrong about Beyoncé (and social commentary and race relations in general, but that was another story).
Red Lobster also reported a 33 percent spike in sales after getting name-checked in "Formation."
The Giuliani hullabaloo was a reminder of when Bill O'Reilly espoused the idea that Beyoncé and hubby Jay Z were peddling "exploitative garbage" with their "Partition" video. "Teenage girls look up to Beyoncé, particularly girls of color. She's an idol to them," he told guest Russell Simmons, who did his best to stay diplomatic, on The O'Reilly Factor. "I'm saying, 'Why on earth would this woman do that? Why would she do that when she knows the devastation of unwanted pregnancy and fractured families—why would she do that?"
Huh, is right.
"When an artist expresses something that's sexual in music it's a reflection of our reality," Simmons said, trying to change the subject
Russell Brand put it less delicately, saying in one of his videos, "Bill, if you're turned on by Beyoncé, just accept it. It's normal." The British firebrand inquired why O'Reilly wasn't more critical of some of the more truly threatening forces in the world "and then tells us the problem is Beyoncé."
Jon Stewart (and many others) also went to bat for Bey against Daily Show guest Mike Huckabee last year when the former Arkansas governor wrote in his memoir God, Guns, Grits and Gravy, "I say she's the most amazing singer, great set of pipes, unbelievable dancer, and she doesn't need to do songs like 'Partition' and 'Drunk in Love' in order to be an amazing and effective talent."
"She doesn't have to be vulgar in order to set a trend," Huckabee told Stewart, trying to explain himself.
Jon fired back with a clip of Huckabee joining Ted Nugent for a rendition of "Cat Scratch Fever." Which isn't about kitties and scratching posts.
"You excuse that type of crudeness because you agree with his stance on firearms," Stewart informed his guest. "You don't approve of Beyoncé because she seems alien to you."
And that, of course, sums up all of the above criticism of Bey most efficiently.
However, aside from those coming at her with a political motive, attacks that will always be met with a fully armed defense from the other side of the aisle, Beyoncé has also managed to remain untarnished by the general pitfalls of celebrity as well.
It's in the history books, but who even talks anymore about the infamous, elevator-encapsulated fight between Solange Knowles and Jay Z in 2014? It was all anybody could talk about for weeks, but the fallout was so majestically managed by the family that, a few months later, the fascination had waned.
Bey couldn't avoid being the butt of jokes for a week, but we bet that more people were legitimately concerned about her life and marriage than they were eager to point fingers or smirk. Because one joint statement and a strong front (including a mega-successful tour, Solange's wedding, the launch of Tidal, more fab family photos and one of the most naked dresses in Met Gala history) later…
Poof!
Beyoncé remains golden. No one has ever stayed mad at, or bothered by her, for long. For any Beyoncé hater you may come across, you'll find seven new fans (patent-pending theory). Even any criticism of her hubby's Tidal venture has failed to ruffle her plumage, and the much-hyped, long-awaited release of the follow-up to Beyoncé has fans hanging on her every clue.
You may poke the Beyhive all you want, but you'll never rattle the queen.