Korbi GhoshTonight will mark an evening of extraordinary firsts. After all, a brutal writers' strike has shrunk the Golden Globes glitz into a celebrity-free vacuum. That means for the first time A-listers will not have to face a gauntlet of size 2 TV fashionistas, all chattering, "What are you wearing?" while shivering like Chihuahuas in the January chill.
And that's not the only first we can expect during this rather unique Golden Globes event.
For the very first time in Golden Globes history...
...starlets will have to call each other if they feel like talking about Spanx.
...the betting pool on which celebrity will get wasted and go off about Darfur in front of millions of TV viewers? On hold.
...caterers won't get to make a fountain out of something. Like chocolate or cheese. Those people really love food fountains.
...the casts of hot-right-now TV shows cannot mingle on the same carpet as Brad Pitt and pretend they're all equally important.
...B-listers must feel a bit guilty—but not really guilty—about taking those free diamond earrings at the swag suite.
...the words elegant, classic and stunning will have nothing to do and nowhere to go.
...we won't get to hear about all the food the young A-list babes "ate" before arriving.
...the Jack Nicholson Award Presentation Strokewatch—also on hold.
...we don't get to sit around and watch a bunch of second-generation actors like Mariska Hargitay and Gwyneth Paltrow thank their parents for everything they ever had.
And for the first time, we all get to sit at home with a tub of popcorn and watch...a news conference.