Too bad so sad.
That's our slightly sarcastic reaction to tonight's Dancing with the Stars elimination. We were neither surprised nor really that upset to see Geraldo Rivera and partner Edyta Sliwinska sent home after two disastrous attempts at dancing (on Geraldo's part). We don't feel bad saying that, because he knew it himself.
"I would have demanded a recount," he said of the alternate universe in which he was not sent home.
Hopefully, the fact that we won't have to see him on the dance floor again will help us erase the image of him dressed as Donald Trump, because that's how he decided to celebrate Latin night. We'd prefer to pretend it never happened, and we will make no further comment on it (in this paragraph, anyway).
Geraldo was joined at the bottom of the pack by Mischa Barton and no one else, if you go by score. Geraldo managed a measly 13, Mischa scored 15, and the next lowest score was Antonio Brown's 19/30.
On the other side of things, UFC fighter Paige VanZant tied with Boyz II Men member Wanya Morris for the night's highest scores of 24/30 and the most enthusiastic reviews from the judges. VanZant's dance was particularly impressive given the fact that her partner, Mark Ballas, was sidelined due to injury, and she only had two hours to practice with back-up partner Alan Bernsten.
So how did everyone else do? Check out our ranking of all the dances below, from worst to best:
12. Geraldo Rivera and Edyta Sliwinska: 13/30
Who is responsible for making us watch this?? Do you not have sympathy for our eyes???
11. Mischa Barton and Artem Chigvintsev: 555 = 15/30
Oh honey. We have a feeling we're going to be addressing Mischa that way every week she stays on this show. She just seems lost and all we want is to guide her back to safety.
10. Marla Maples and Tony Dovolani: 20/30
Marla Maples still baffles us as to why she's here, but she' s not a bad dancer. She's also not a good dancer. She's medium, as was her Argentine Tango.
9. Doug Flutie and Karina Smirnoff: 20/30
Doug is so quiet. We keep forgetting he's a contestant, but he's perfectly suited for the paso doble so this worked pretty well for him.
8. Antonio Brown and Sharna Burgess: 19/30
We feel like Antonio hasn't been given the chance to have as much fun as he could be having, but he doesn't look too out of place on that dance floor.
7. Von Miller and Witney Carson: 767 = 20/30
Von's super fun chacha got the edge over fellow football player Antonio's slower, more romantic dance this week. He and Witney are a truly great match.
6. Kim Fields and Sasha Farber: 766
We like watching people who look happy to be places, and Kim looks truly happy to be on that dance floor. She still has some work to do, but she's good!
5. Nyle DiMarco and Peta Murgatroyd: 20/30
Not as impressive as last week's, but only by a hair. The judges said the dance was a little too aggressive for the style and song, which we do agree with, but that didn't make it any less fun to watch.
4. Ginger Zee and Val Chmerkovskiy: 21/30
Again: ray of sunshine, a total delight. Not much more to say than that.
3. Jodie Sweetin and Keo Motsepe: 21/30
Dear DWTS: stop having Jodie dance at the beginning, because by the time the show is over, we're struggling to remember what she did. That said, she rocked the hell out of that gold outfit and that samba.
2. Paige VanZant and Mark Ballas/Alan Bernsten: 24/30
This dance would have been super impressive even if Paige were dancing with her usual partner, so the fact that she had to learn it with a new partner in just two hours makes it extra impressive. This girl is going to make it to the end.
1. Wanya Morris and Lindsay Arnold: 24/30
Wanya's joy is totally infectious, and it helps that he's a damn good dancer. Even this early on, we see Wanya vs. Paige in the finals.
Also here's this just for fun:
Dancing with the Stars airs Mondays at 8 p.m. on ABC.
Who had your favorite dance of the night? Sound off in the comments!