"Hey Jesus, can I get a selfie?"
We're genuinely not sure what went on tonight in the city of New Orleans, but The Passion Live was, at the very least, an interesting exploration of our middle school road trip playlist.
In the midst of reinterpreting the life and times of Jesus, the most unexpected combination of stars took on the most unexpected combination of songs that kept us company on the way to school and whose lyrics frequently populated our AIM away messages. They also threw in some Imagine Dragons and Phillip Phillips, because why not?
While we have no real comment on Fox's fast and loose use of the word "live," we do have lots of comments on the many performances we were treated to throughout the night. Those comments range from "Huh?" to "Yasss" and everything in between.
Without further ado, our ranking of The Passion Live's best, worst, and weirdest performances:
16. Yolanda Adams, "When the Saints Go Marching In"
This gets last place for the fact that we'll never get this song out of our heads.
15. Mary (Trisha Yearwood), "Hands," "You'll Never Walk Alone," "I Won't Give Up"
Trisha Yearwood is a great singer, but we wish she had been given something to do other than stand there in the same dress and sing in one place all night. All her performances blended together—including her Jason Mraz cover.
14. Mary, "My Love is Your Love"
Mary does, however, get points for a well-executed Whitney Houston cover.
13. Yolanda Adams, "When Love Takes Over"
The performance was whatever but it gave us this joyful hero around whom to rally for the night:
12. Jesus (Jencarlos Canela), "Calling All Angels"
Little too on the nose, don't you think? At least he didn't sing the Train song in the train car.
12. Jesus, "With Arms Wide Open"
We actually liked this, but that's mostly because we get a kick out of things that sound too weird to be true. Jesus singing Creed is up there with the weirdest of them.
10. Jesus, "Love Can Move Mountains"
Jesus singing Céline Dion in a train car is also kind of like a dream we once had, except it was actually Mr. Rogers singing the Titanic theme song. Same thing right?
8. Mary, "Broken"
Of all the "Trisha Yearwood stands there and sings well" that we got tonight, this was the best. She got to stand somewhere new!
7. Jesus and Peter (Prince Royce), "Home"
Glad to see this Fox production made sure American Idol was so well represented with either the best or the second best winner's song. (If they had somehow managed to incorporate Kelly Clarkson's "A Moment Like This," we would have been even more impressed).
6. Peter, "The Reason"
Hoobastank died for all of our sins. (Just kidding. Hoobastank is still touring, but it's just fun to say Hoobastank.)
5. Pontius Pilate (Seal) and Jesus, "We Don't Need Another Hero"
The message? Confusing. The performance? Rousing.
4. Judas and Jesus, "Demons"
This would have been the perfect opportunity for a Judas vs. Jesus dance fight and all they did was stand there! Disappointed, unlike this lady:
3. Pontius Pilate, "Mad World"
Not since Adam Lambert on Idol have we felt so emotionally moved by that song from Donnie Darko.
2. Jesus, "Unconditionally"
Why didn't anyone ever tell us that Easter was the celebration of Jesus coming back to life to sing a Katy Perry song?! At first we found this strange, but it was hard not to get caught up in the newly undead JC's rooftop crooning.
1. Chris Daughtry, "Bring Me to Life"
Daughtry singing Evanescence?! 10/10, would download and turn into our official song of 2006.