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The Good Wife

CBS

Alicia Florrick, you nasty. In The Good Wife's Sunday, March 20 episode, "Shoot," Alicia really couldn't keep her hands to herself. We're talking about public, under the table hand jobs. Yeah. You saw that.

Anyway, let's get down to the nitty gritty, because you know Alicia wants to. Can we first talk about what an effective opening the episode had? It depicted Blair Underwood's character through the years with his daughter leading up to her shooting death on prom night (of all nights). It got real. The case, which was about liability and defamation and all that, was typical Good Wife taking a stand on political issue, but I was more invested after that opening. In the end, Judge Denis O'Hare ruled in favor of the gun store own, Dorata from Gossip Girl (Zuzanna Szadkowski), but to keep his billboard up saying the gun store killed his daughter he just has to pay the court 10 cents in fines. So the "good guy" won by losing.

Meanwhile, Eli was still listening in on grand jury proceedings against Peter by way of the bathroom vent. Seems there's a juror who's not down with Matthew Morrison's AUSA character and is questioning everything, including Lloyd Garber's very rehearsed testimony. In order to continue getting the one up, Eli and Mike Tascioni sent Alicia in and advised her to answer questions and stir the pot. It worked. Or did it? Did Peter fix a trial for Lloyd's son? These are the questions.

Behind the scenes, Alicia and Diane had a meeting to discuss the female-led firm Diane wants to get going. Hey, she's only doing it because Cary and David Lee are plotting against her, she said. What will it take to get Alicia on Diane's side and hurt Cary in the process? Some more power for Lucca. And it worked! Lucca got an office and brought on the big gun case. Cary knows what's up and flat out asked Alicia if she was approached by Big D (can we start calling Diane that now or is it too close to the end of the series to start trying to make nicknames happen?) and Alicia LIED TO HIS FACE. I love Alicia.

The Good Wife, Julianna Margulies, Carrie Preston, Cush Jumbo, Christine Baranski

CBS

Anyway, while Alicia and Big D (going to keep trying it) were meeting to discuss the firm, Alicia saw Jason and Jason was seeing…ANOTHER WOMAN. She kissed him on the mouth. Turns out she's an "old friend from New York." Crushed Alicia turned to her best friend, tequila, and her other good friend Lucca Quinn. Let me just say that these Alicia/Lucca scenes are now the best part of the series. They're wonderful.

Please relive the conversation and all of its joys.

Alicia: "I have issues on this front. Husbands who screw around, who lie, who leave me in tears."
Lucca: "You're not in tears now."
Alicia: "You're right. I'm not. That's a sign of growth, right?"
Lucca: "Or something."
Alicia: "Scar tissue. Maturity. Cynicism."
Lucca: "You expect the worst in people, you'll never be disappointed."
Alicia: "Right. You think this is the worst of Jason?"
Lucca: "No, I didn't say that. he didn't promise you anything, right? He didn't did he?"
Alicia: "No, but I was becoming invested. I liked it, I liked being with him."
Lucca: "So why don't you keep it up?"
Alicia: "Become another face in his harem?"
Lucca: "Have fun. Start your own harem. When you stop having fun, say goodbye."
Alicia: "Oh god, this isn't who I am."
Lucca: "You don't know who you are. No one knows who they are. Talk to Jason. He likes you and maybe it was just a friend."

Lucca Quinn is one of the best things to happen to The Good Wife, it's just a shame she was added in the last season.

So after Lucca discovers Alicia got her the new office, she sat down with Jason (Jeffrey Dean Morgan remains incredibly charming) and told him what got Alicia so upset. He attempted to make amends, but Alicia and her sad pizza were already over it. After all, she's the governor's wife still.

An Alicia who is getting some is a feisty Alicia, as demonstrated when she went to bat for Grace whose college application essay was deemed plagiarism. Yadda, yadda, yadda, the software sucks, Alicia was a vicious mama bear and now Grace wants to be a lawyer. The episode ended with the three amigos, Lucca, Alicia and Jason, out at a bar being pals. Lucca wanted chips, so she left the table and Alicia couldn't stop herself and started giving Jason a hand job under the table. In public.

"We are in public. You are a constant source of surprise," Jason told her.
"I wasted the last 20 years. I'm not going to waste the next 20," Alicia said.

The Good Wife, y'all!

Gasp count: Two.

The Good Wife airs Sundays, 9 p.m. on CBS.