Life is good as an Oscar winner. Life is very, very good.
Not only have you just been rewarded for your already bafflingly fabulous day job on the most public stage there is, but now you get to stay up until the sun comes up celebrating with the richest and most beautiful people in your industry. Just think about it—you've just gotten the best year-end review in the history of year-end reviews, and that isn't even the coolest part of your day. (That's right, the parties are the coolest part of your day).
But if there was even the slightest, teensiest downside to winning an Academy Award, it's that the spotlight that was on you already just tripled in size. Everybody's watching to see how you'll react and, more importantly, what you'll do next. This year's class of Oscar winners are no different—America is dying to stalk these people for the rest of eternity. Although, it seems like 2016 is the year of badass career decisions. Let's take a look and see what the newest statuette owners have lined up.
First up is our dear sweet Alicia Vikander. She was honored two times over this awards season, for her now Oscar-winning role in The Danish Girl (duh) and her turn in bizarrely awesome Ex Machina. So what's a girl to do after making two critically-acclaimed indie movies? Star in a Jason Bourne movie, obviously. The fifth installment is set to hit theaters this summer, and the plot is so secretive that all we know is the movie cost a lot of money to make. She's gonna get hers!
Following in Alicia's big paycheck footsteps is Brie Larson. We loved her in Room, and now we'll get to love her in the King Kong remake. She's starring alongside the likes of Tom Hiddleston and Samuel L. Jackson, who will know doubt teach her the ins and outs of making more than SAG minimum wage.
Best Supporting Actor winner Mark Rylance is a man of many masks. He's played an English diplomat in The Other Boleyn Girl, he's played a 15th century royal secretary in that BBC series Wolf Hall, and he of course played the infamous Soviet spy for this year's winning role. But his next gig is surely the most awesome of his long career: He'll be taking on the role of none other than The BFG. That's right, the BFG, of beloved Roald Dahl fame. Cue the 2017 Oscars speech.
And then there's Leo. Oh, our dear, sweet Leo. He capped off a remarkable twenty-year long career last night, and yet still the only way to go is up. This is just the beginning of DiCaprio's hold on the movie industry. The potential! The still-untapped talent! The limitless Scorsese collaborations! So what is his highly-anticipated next move?
That's right, it's time for the guy to get a damn vacation already. He's got the blankest upcoming IMDB profile this side of the Atlantic. And speaking of the Atlantic, that's probably where you can find him after today. On a yacht. Surrounded by whoever he damn well pleases, doing whatever he damn well pleases. We salute you, sir, and eagerly await all the magnificent paparazzi photos that our mere mortal eyes will be treated to.