Ron Galella, Ltd./WireImageThe Academy Awards are right around the corner, ready to jump out at you and yell "LEONARDO DICAPRIO BETTER WIN!" Sidenote: We're definitely worried about the Internet if he doesn't win Best Actor, but we're actually more worried about the Internet if he does win. Because people will be so excited and relieved that they will burn that s--t to the ground.
Anyway, because the Oscars are once again upon us, we thought we'd get ahead of the game and tell people to lower their expectations. Because no matter how exciting and iconic the show is, it will never hold a candle to the 1998 Academy Awards.
Don't agree with us? Just check out the highlights from the 70th Academy Awards and then we dare you tell us that it wasn't the peak of pop culture perfection.
First of all, just watch this opening to the show. Could you get more '90s than that music and that camera work that seems straight out of an episode of MTV's Singled Out?
The hair. The sunglasses. Those limos. It's all gold.
Check out these two hot newcomers. We think their names were Ben Damon and Matt Affleck? Datt Mamon and Ken Baffleck? Yeah, that sounds right. It's a pity that haven't done much since then.
Meanwhile, Halle Berry was sporting the same updo that 75 percent of high school girls wore to prom that year.
By the way, Gloria Stuart, the oldest Best Actress nominee ever, was there. Let's get real, she was the real star of Titanic.
Just kidding, Kate Winslet was the real star. And look at her in this stunning green dress. So beautiful. So flawless. So '90s.
Unfortunately, Leo was not nominated for Titanic, which was a crime on par with kidnapping the Queen of England. He wasn't there to pose with Kate, but she did just fine by herself.
Billy Crystal was the host, aka one of the best Oscars host of all time. Or the best, depending on who you ask.
You still think this Sunday's Oscars could potentially be better? Think again, because it won't have Celine Dion performing the Titanic theme song while wearing the necklace from the movie! Professors should teach this moment in classes about American History. There should be a whole chapter dedicated to this performance, tbh.
Drew Barrymore gave out the award for Best Makeup, which was won by Men In Black. How '90s was that sentence you just read?!
Look how nervous and excited these two are! So young and adorable. Won't someone hire them for something this year?!
And don't you dare forget that they both brought their moms as dates.
The late, great Robin Williams won his first and only Oscar for his role in Good Will Hunting. Warning: his speech will make you miss him even more.
Did we mention Celine Dion wore the Heart of the Ocean? We did?! Well, LOOK AGAIN DAMN IT:
Remember the time James Cameron yelled a line from his own movie while accepting Best Director? Yeah. That happened, too.
Actually, Titanic won all the awards that year. Back then, movies that were as long as Titanic had to be released on two VHS tapes and you had to actually switch the tapes in the middle of the movie! Kids these days will never know the struggle.
Sorry, 2016 Oscars. You will never be the 1998 Academy Awards.
Bye.