Courtesy Penguin Random House
Courtesy Penguin Random House
If you're reading this, you're (most likely) a proud devotee of the Chrissy TeigenWay. The model has made a name for herself outside of the photo studio thanks to her mouth-wateringly beautiful Instagram full of food.
In fact, besides her husband John Legend, it seems that Teigen's number one topic of choice, whether in an interview or on social media, is grub. So it should come as no surprise that she's releasing a cookbook, aptly named Cravings, today. But the real question is, do these eats hold up to the very, very high standard she's set? The proof is in the pudding. Or, actually, make that in the mac & cheese. And in the breakfast sandwiches. And in the roast chicken. You get the idea.
The cover of Cravings boasts that it contains "Recipes for all the foods you want to eat," and that's true. We want to eat everything in this cookbook. It reads like a who's who of every single dish we've dreamed about. Or, rather, every single dish we've thrown a double tap to when we're scrolling through Teigen's now-legendary Instagram feed. There's no doubt that this is recipes for all the foods you want to eat. But the question is: should you?
The more responsible part of our brains, the area responsible for our love of to-do lists and early bedtimes, says no. At least one stick of butter seems to be a prerequisite for a recipe's inclusion. There's heavy cream in the scrambled eggs. There's an entire box of yellow cake mix in the oatmeal. Oatmeal!
But then the other side of our brains, which we can credit for last week's outrageously over-budget shoe purchase and every single thing we've done on trips to Southeast Asia, says why the hell wouldn't you eat like this. These are Chrissy Teigen's recipes! We can't think of a better life motto than Do-Every-Single-Thing-That-Chrissy-Teigen-Does.
While we can't force your hand one way or another when it comes to consuming a green juice versus consuming French toast casserole with salted frosted flakes, we will help you make an educated decision. For fun, we decided to count up every single calorie and gram of fat that makes up a week of eating out of Cravings. We turned to CalorieCount.com for help, using their recipe analyzer to get to the bottom of every cup of canola oil. Before the big reveal, here's what the week's menu looks like:
Breakfast: Cheesy Cheeseless Scrambled Eggs
Lunch: Capon's Chrissy Burger & Onion Rings
Dinner: Baked Pasta alla Norma with Mozzarella Bombs
Breakfast: Dutch Baby Pancake
Lunch: Super Tuna Melts
Dinner: Chrissy's Mac & Cheese
Breakfast: John's Breakfast Sandwiches
Lunch: Everything Chicken Sandwich Melts
Dinner: Sweet Potato Gnocchi with Brown Butter and Sage
Breakfast: Yellow Cake Baked Oatmeal
Lunch: Cobb Salad with Honey Mustard Dressing
Dinner: Spicy Italian Sausage Meatloaf
Breakfast: French Toast Casserole with Salted Frosted Flakes
Lunch: Vegetable Tortilla Stew
Dinner: Better Than Ina's Roast Chicken
Breakfast: Crab Cakes Benedict
Lunch: Pot Pie Soup with Crust Crackers
Dinner: Skillet-Charred Fish Tacos
Breakfast: Spicy Tomato Skillet Eggs with Prosciutto
Lunch: Sriracha Caesar Salad
Dinner: Cheesy Jalapeño Tuna Casserole
Now for the good stuff. If you ate these exact meals and nothing else, you would consume approximately 15,447 calories and 726 grams of fat. That's an average of 2,213 calories and 103 grams of fat per day. Some of the biggest calories offenders? The burger/onion rings lunch combo, the chicken sandwich melts and the French toast casserole clocked in at approximately 1,400, 1,100 and 1,300 calories respectively. As for the fat, that would be the vegetable tortilla stew, the baked pasta and the cobb salad with approximately 66, 41 and 100 grams respectively.
(Of course, we should give a shoutout to the sweet potato gnocchi! It's basically better for you than a fruit salad. Basically).
Some of you may be balking (or clutching your soon-to-be-clogged arteries), but we're giving props and props only. It's not exactly a surprise that Chrissy Teigen's cookbook would be refreshingly non-Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition appropriate, but still. It remains to be seen whether Teigen's ever eaten this way a whole day through, but for a model to even consider consuming one of these meals (let alone all 94 that are in this book) is, sadly, groundbreaking in this day and age.
Go on with your bad butter self, girl.