• Share
  • Tweet
  • Share
Carl's, Jr.

Carl's, Jr.

Alright. You're about to witness something that nobody has seen. We mean it. A few days ago we got the exclusive opportunity to travel to the Carl's Jr. headquarters and eat a shiz ton of their food. Not just any food, however. We taste-tested eight insane menu items that have not yet been released to the public. Because we love you and want you to be the first to know about them, we're going to tell you about our delicious findings. You see that hunk of glory hanging over this first paragraph? It's called a Pizza Burger, and it's lit AF. Look at that fresh-baked bun. Come the eff on. You want more of this ish? Read on. Whether it's breakfast foods sandwiched by two cinnamon rolls, or a Slinger Biscuit drizzled with chili, Carl's Jr. has thought of literally everything with these new and unreleased items. When will these bad boys be available in restaurants? We can't say, but now you know what to look out for next time you're in the drive-through. Lick it up, BB's. 

Carl's, Jr.

Carl's, Jr.

1. Meatball Thickburger. You're 35-years-old, living alone and have not quite grasped how to cook your own meals. You're probably eating a lot of fast food and tend to be that person who sneaks home the leftover bagels from the office meeting. Chances are you miss your mom's spaghetti and meatballs and wish she could come over and cook it for you when you can't figure out how to open your Lean Cuisine. Baby, this sandwich goes out to you. Uncle Carl got a little crazy with this one and ditched the traditional bun for a twosome of toasty toasts. Then, he literally put a meatball freakin' sub with all the fixings—you guessed it—on top of a burger. Lord have mercy on your meat-filled soul.

Carl's, Jr.

Carl's, Jr.

2. Bacon Mac N Cheese Thickburger. This is like the cheesiest cheeseburger you've ever had, with the added bonus of macaroni and bacon. Seriously you guys, these unreleased items are perfect for that picky eater who always "doesn't care" where you eat that night or can't decide between this place or that. Gone are the days of that nonsense as we welcome this beacon of hope into our lives. Amen. 

Carl's, Jr.

Carl's, Jr.

3. Burgerito. The lovely people at Carl's Jr. told us they like to think of the meat on their burgers as the condiment, rather than the main attraction. Obviously, the person who thought of that might have been stoned, but we're not complaining. Behold the Burgerito, a shining example of that statement. You'll never have to decide between Taco Bell and a burger ever again. That's a good thing too. Chances are if you find yourself in this situation, you too are probably high and can't be bothered with such complex decision making. Problem solved. 

Carl's, Jr.

Carl's, Jr.

4. Bisnut. You know those amazing breakfast biscuits they've got at CJ's? They've turned them into a freakin' donuts. Here's what we mean. They took the actual biscuit dough, shaped it into donuts, and loaded it with frosting. The best part is, they serve it warm, so it's never, ever dry and stale. Goodbye, cronuts, we never liked you anyway. 

Carl's, Jr.

Carl's, Jr.

5. Pizza Fries. Poutine for the poor, y'all, and that is not a bad thing. Who needs that highbrow crap when you've got this sexy baby staring back at you. 

Carl's, Jr.

Carl's, Jr.

6. Birthday Cake Shake. Is today your effing birthday? It is now. Put this in your mouth and inhale the creamy cray. Y'all. This isn't the ice cream that comes out of the nasty-ass machine that cranks out poop emoji ice cream swirls. This is some hand scooped old-timey goodness. Did we mention there are crunchy rainbow sprinkles up in that too? Goodbye, hot body.   

What item looks the best to you? Share your thoughts in the comments! Who knows, maybe they'll end up on their menu someday?

 

Get it, girl. Watch Padma Lakshmi chow down on a burger