Here's some news about Santa. He exists, and he knows what a total screwup you've been this year. He's kept meticulous records about what you said about that guy in marketing and about what you did with that Slim Jim, which is really disgusting. And you can't blame it on being drunk, because Santa doesn't give a damn about being drunk as an excuse for bad behavior. In fact, Santa himself is drunk most of the time. Usually on sangria.
So since you're not getting any gifts this year, why not just forget about Christmas altogether and spend your time helping us choose the best Soup clips from 2008 for our two-part holiday countdown, part one airing Dec. 19 at 10 p.m. Send them to thesoup@eonline.com, and, since Santa is blowing you off, allow us to give you the above classic Soup clip. Unlike Kris Kringle, we're not going to judge you on the Slim Jim thing.