What's the best way to piss off a Real Housewife of Atlanta? Try and keep her from her false lashes.
That's what newbie Kim Fields attempted on this week's episode by throwing her Beatless Brunch, which she saw as an opportunity to for her new friends to come together au natural (or as natural as those faces can ever truly be anymore) and celebrate "where the canvas is when it's a little more blank."
Was it a little condescending? Sure. Were the ladies on board? We'll let Kenya Moore's response to Kim's invitation speak for itself: "Really, bitch?"
So, did the ladies play along? Not exactly...
When Kandi Burruss picked Kenya up, she noticed her friend was wearing a full face of makeup. Why? "Because I'm a grown-ass woman that will not be told what to do." (For those keeping score, Kandi's makeup was scaled back, but present.) Porsha Williams arrived in a double set of falsies (!) and a full face because she came straight from work. Phaedra Parks and Cynthia Bailey came as toned-down as they'd permit themselves in public. And Sheree Whitfield, bless her, arrived bare-faced and bothered. "Now, did I miss the other voicemail that said that you can wear makeup? Because I didn't get that one," she snarked.
Kim wasted no time handing out gifts to her guests. She gave each lady a compact to "remind them of their natural beauty." A notebook and pen "to invite them to write poems about natural beauty." (OK, Kim, we love you, but this is a little much.) Unable to bite her tongue because she's Kenya Moore and being rude is what she does, she let Kim know she took umbrage with the invitation. Did Kim care much what Kenya thought? If you've been paying any attention this season, you'd know the answer is a big, fat no.
Kenya: "I don't need to be told what I look like to others…I guess that's what I didn't appreciate in the invitation."
Kenya: "Are we doing that dismissive thing again?"
Kim: "I was swallowing my food."
Because she's totally aware when people don't like each other, Cynthia is still dead-set on having Kim and Kenya co-direct her Cynthia Bailey Eyewear commercial (that will totally air on TV and not just live on YouTube). Because she has an ounce of awareness and an actual career to consider, Kim's not totally feeling it. "There's usually not co-directors," she says. Because she's totally bitter and nasty when people want nothing to do with her, Kenya finds the courage to rip Kim apart alone, in an interview, after the fact. "She's so freaking pompous and arrogant," she says, apparently forgetting all about that earlier episode when she begged Kim to work on her flop of a pilot. "I've worked with her before and Tyler Perry literally directed the episode that Kim was supposed to direct me in. That says enough."
Naturally, when Cynthia asks Kim and Kenya to meet to present their visions for the Jamaica-set commercial, Kenya just doesn't show, telling her friend that she's busy putting out fires at that house she's building. Quite literally, apparently, as the scene jumps to Moore Manor where that guy from her gym that Kenya said she wouldn't date because he wasn't a millionaire or something is there. They're both putting on tool belts and pretending to saw some wood or something when he asks Kenya is the unfinished home she's never spend a night in holds some sentimental value for her.
"It does," she says. "I think this is the future home of my family, meaning children and a husband-to-be." Sentiment to be delivered at a later date, we guess.
- Kandi and Todd are two months away from their due date and the nursery still isn't put together. Also, Todd wants a nanny, but bite your tongue if you suggest a manny. Also, Todd thinks he will still get to stay out until 2 a.m. every night. Silly Todd.
- Someone may want to let Phaedra know that there aren't many "child-friendly" jails. If she just doesn't want to take her kids to see their dad, it's time she grow up and admit it.
- Remember when Porsha thought the Underground Railroad was a real train? Here, her thoughts on the cloud: "I don't know where that cloud is. I don't know who can just reach up there and get it and pull down my information."
- Kim Fields for the win: "Well, when you direct two or three hundred hours of television, then we can talk."
Are you Team Kim or Team Kenya? Sound off in the comments below.
The Real Housewives of Atlanta airs Sundays at 8 p.m. on Bravo.
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