Blake Lively, Penn Badgley

Jamie McCarthy/

Dear Ted:
I thought Penn Badgley and Blake Lively were only together for the ratings. Who cares, though? They are boring offscreen and on. Team Chuck all the way. I like them naughty. Gimme some Blind Vices about Ed!

Dear Sightless:
Couldn't agree more about Chuck. And even though he has yet to officially be a Blind character, the boy's seconds away from starring in his very own Vice saga.

Dear Ted:
In his whole career, Bush was a "successful" executive only when he worked for that baseball team. Every other place he served as an executive nearly went into the tank. I guess he can add America to his lack of success stories. And we're gonna give him a pension for bankrupting America!

Dear Bye-Bye Bush:
But we always help the disabled in our country.

Dear Ted: 
I had a dream you were riding a white horse, shirtless and standing up! Then you told me Jake and Reese are both gay. What do you make of my dream?

Dear False:
You clearly don't read my competition.

Dear Ted:
I feel a kindred spirit with you. I'm not gay, not from Dallas (from Houston), not a sweet, young thing like you and I'm certainly not rich. Yet the connection is there. Keep up the hellaciously fun work. If we ever met at a party, I would be hanging with you!

Dear Paris Hilton:
My BFF spot is currently taken by my hubby, but much thanks for the fun words! Oh, and sweet and young I am decidedly not.

Dear Ted:
I saw pictures of Brangelina at the Benjamin Button premiere this week. She looked very high on drugs and so giddy. Oh, wise one, what is your take on her condition? Also, the pictures of Pitt's parents looked kinda forced smiling. Do they now like A.J.?
Silver in Texas

Dear Family Matters:
Brad is a huge mama's boy, so she'll put her best smile forward if it helps her boy out. But deep down, Mrs. Pitt has a Team Aniston shirt stashed somewhere.

Dear Ted: 
Let's forget Ms. (or is that Mrs.?) Fake à la Ferocity for a minute. The real hot goss: What's Mr. FALF's vice? Love your not-so-new look.

Dear Needling to Know:
Stepping out with whichever sex he prefers.

Dear Ted:
Is Oded Good-Head Usher or Ice Cube? It can't be 50 Cent 'cause he's far too ugly.

Dear Somewhere in There:
Def not Ice Cube, 'cause O has his fair share of marital woes.

Dear Ted:
Why has no one reported on the shadiness that is Samantha Ronson? She was at Lohan's side for most of her drug-fueled behavior in the past; now she's around and presumably condoning what is going on. I don't want to hear any more crap about how this is the healthiest relationship L.L.'s ever had.

Dear Spot-On:
Sam is in no way good for L.L. Who would have ever thought we'd agree with Michael Lohan.

Dear Ted:
Just read a report that George Clooney is interested in another cocktail waitress. Why doesn't this guy date any strong, successful, intelligent women? He seems reasonably bright himself, as well as a genuinely nice person. This dating way-younger waitresses without much going on for themselves doesn't seem to fit.

Dear Jealous:
Oh, but it fits precisely.

Dear Ted:
I was reading Justine in NYC's comments re: Morgan Mayhem: "But the meth is just sad, sad, sad." Is there really a big difference, in Hollywood anyway, between being addicted to one snorty powder vs. another? Is one supposed to be classy and the other trashy?—Claire, Chicago

Dear Gateway Gal:
Technically, yes. I don't think either is classy, but you'll find certain drugs here are much more outwardly acceptable than others. Heroin? Cool. Self-starvation? Totally in. Light up a fag in public? You might as well be Paris Hilton asking for her reputation back.

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