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Trader Joe's, Cookie Butter

If there was a Czar of Groceries, his name would be Trader Joe. The happiest store in the world also happens to be one of the most beloved stores in this country—just driving by will have even the most overstuffed person craving...anything.

There's so much to like at good ol' TJ's. An entire aisle of artisanal candy that leads the consumer to believe they're being "healthy." The best prepackaged salads known to man. And pie. All the pie.

But the store can also be overwhelming, due to the sheer volume of product available to hungry customers. How does one sift through all the kind-of-lame stuff (yogurt) to get to the real gems? Why, you use this handy list, of course!

Trader Joe himself (or, rather, someone from the press office) just shared the most popular items of 2015, and it basically reads like tonight's grocery list. Here's what you should be buying on your next trip, according to everyone in America. 

Favorite Overall: Cookie Butter. That's right, this is the most popular product at Trader Joe's, which now explains why the shelf is always empty when we're trying to quench our cravings. Put it on crackers, put it on bread, or eat it with a spoon. There are no rules here, people.

Favorite Bakery Item: Sourdough Bread. A loaf of sourdough bread beat out everything else in the bakery section, like coffee cake and brownie bites, which means it must be some darn good bread.

Favorite Drink: Spiced Cider. A gallon of glorified apple juice beat out Two Buck Chuck, which means it must be some darn good juice.

Favorite Cheese: Unexpected Cheddar Cheese. The description reads "Tastes like an aged premium cheddar with hints of parmesan." We suggest eating it like a watermelon.

Favorite Frozen Item: Mandarin Orange Chicken. It's frozen chicken, but it tastes good, TJ's promises.

Favorite Produce: Bananas. This category is a yawn, but at least it's a good reminder to swing by the fruit section in the midst of your cookie butter stock-up.

Favorite Candy: Dark Chocolate Peanut Butter Cups. This is not your Grandmother's peanut butter cup—we're talking sea salt, people.

Favorite Salad: Organic Arugula. Not a salad, but whatever.

Favorite Condiment: Organic Ketchup. SORRY HEINZ!

Favorite Meat/Meatless Item: Soy Chorizo. This is huge, people. Fake meat just beat out meat. Vegetarians unite!

Favorite Snack: White Cheddar Corn Puffs. Our personal favorite are the kettle-cooked barbecue chips, but we're keeping an open snack mind.

Favorite Pumpkin: Organic Pumpkin. That's right: Pumpkin was given its own category. And the winner was...plain pumpkin. Keep winning, TJ's customers.