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    What Did Twilight and Madonna Teach Us in 2008?

    Twilight, Robert Pattinson Summit Entertainment

    Hey Queen B! Do you ever learn anything new? Did you learn anything this year?
    —Scott, Chicago

    Yes. Given that this is December, let's put what I learned in 2008 into handy list-slash-survey form. I'll let you share your own learning experiences at the end of the column. Here goes:

    1. Every time you say the word vampire, someone gets rich somewhere. Could be you, could be me, or could be a housewife who thought she'd, you know, write a book.

    2. Only one movie needs to be made a year. That movie must have all-singing, all-dancing teenagers who never have sex. Don't believe me? Fame is being remade and released in 2009.

    3. I can make your teenage daughter scream. Ready? Here goes: And so the lion fell in love with the lamb.

    4. I can make Anne Hathaway scream, too. Ready? Obama.

    5. Disney actress Brenda Song has a mysterious occult power over my readers; since last month, I have gotten more than 125 questions about her in my inbox.

    6. Some of the best films of our era have had animated heroes in the lead role. Right, Wall-E? Now let's see if the Oscar people have joined us in the 21st Century.

    7. No one wants to believe anymore.

    8. According to the collected hotness surveys conducted by entertainment media throughout 2008, if Megan Fox and Robert Pattinson ever hooked up, the world would supernova into a plasmatic inferno and we'd all have to move to Jupiter.

    9. Jennifer Aniston just needs to get pregnant for the good of the nation. Or just the good of the media, which is suffering from thousands of layoffs.

    10. If we all stopped obsessing over Madonna's possible sex partners, she would wither and die within 12 hours. Donated at least three minutes today to thoughts of A-Rod; keep a pop legend alive.

    Now it's your turn. What did YOU learn in 2008? Tell me in the comments section below.

    Got a question about Hollywood? ASK IT: answerbitch@eonline.com

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