Tyra Banks has confirmed she's reprising her role of Eve from the 2000 Disney film Life-Size in the movie's sequel.
While there are a ton of people who are nostalgic for the TV movie, which originally premiered on ABC's The Wonderful World of Disney, some of us haven't experienced the "sparkle and shine" of Life-Size.
Until now.
All we knew going in is that Tyra plays a doll who becomes a human, and Lindsay Lohan happens to be there too.
Well, we watched Life-Size, and there's a lot we need to discuss.
Picture this: A world where children don't really want to play with dolls anymore. This is a place where kids would prefer a toy with "microchips" in it. (That's an actual line a little girl says in the beginning of this movie.)
This is the bleak world the Eve doll is entering. She's an accomplished, trendy doll that can do everything, hold every job. She's supposed to be perfect.
This is also a world where teeny Lindsay Lohan (post-Parent Trap, pre-Freaky Friday) plays QB on her football team, hates dolls, and is trying to adjust to life with her dad since her mom died.
Yes, this movie gets real, and it packs a heck of a lot of plot into 100 minutes.
While still reeling from her loss, LiLo (her character name is "Casey Stuart," but LiLo just feels right) wants to resurrect her mom and looks up some tips on the 2000 version of the World Wide Web. No big deal. Clearly, her character is too young to have studied W. W. Jacobs' "The Monkey's Paw" in English class yet. We didn't expect things to get supernatural so fast.
The "female colleague/casual GF lady" that Lindsay's dad is seeing gives her an Eve doll as a birthday gift, calling it a collector's item, even though the woman immediately opens the box, touches it, thus ruining any and all chances for re-sell. You are a terrible collector, lady. Lindsay accidentally brings the doll to life instead of her mom and we get... Tyra!
Doll Tyra is selectively stupid as to which parts of her are doll brain and which parts are somewhat capable of comprehending things. She cannot read or write, but she can speak English. She can't be taught to cook, but she can be taught to ballroom dance. We have a lot of questions as to which things she can and can't do—like, deep fan theory questions, but obviously it depends on which things look funny in a kids movie. People that can't use escalators are always a great gag.
After finding out Doll Tyra literally can't put clothes on, we cut to one of those fashion montages movies love so much. Doll Tyra twirls and spins. Where are the outtakes of LiLo awkwardly trying to put shoes on a grown woman? If Doll Tyra literally can't dress herself, we want to see what kind of life that is. But sure, fitting room montages are fun.
Doll Tyra tries so hard to be a role model throughout the film, which leads to awesome, somewhat forced teachable moments throughout the movie. Drinking game: take a sip every time we get a lesson about seat belts safety, recycling, not wearing fur... PSAs all day, Doll Tyra.
Once Doll Tyra becomes a charity case for LiLo's dad (because Doll Tyra is fiiiiine, and he's totally OK giving her money and a pool house) we get to see her ruin a law office with her general inability to do anything non-makeup-related, plus she gets hit on by Richard McCreeper, the walking office sexual harassment claim.
Doll Tyra accepts an invite to the big work party from the office creep who's trying to get some. Bro even drops this line on her: "If you were staying in my house, I'd never let you out." Run away on your perfect doll feet, Doll Tyra! Luckily, she slaps him in the face, gives him a pep talk about self-respect, and he instantly stops his gross ways. Like we said, this movie feels long, but really keeps things moving.
While LiLo is busy teaching Doll Tyra what human emotions are, LiLo's dad is approached by his "female colleague/seriously are they sleeping together yet lady" who is concerned about Doll Tyra. The woman very practically explains 'hey, Doll Tyra may be fibbing on her resume, because she's pretending to be an astronaut/doctor/cop,' and LiLo's dad calls her "jealous." Bro, she's trying to save you and your kid from being a Dateline episode. This is a law office of professional lawyers. But cool, yeah, just jealous.
At this point, Lindsay and Doll Tyra are besties, with the latter of the two understanding she doesn't need to be pressured to be perfect anymore. This sets us up for Doll Tyra's ultimate return to the doll world, so she can be a more realistic role model to little girls. We're still not sure what changes about Doll Tyra that makes her go from being an unsuccessful doll to one that kids want to buy in this tech-y, "microchip" age, but it seemingly has to do with the fact that now she has cool bangs and a mini-backpack.
Lindsay's dad finally makes one of his daughter's football games (which she loses) and gives her a hug and they talk about missing her mom. We did actually feel things during this scene—Disney and Little LiLo, you know how to tug at our heartstrings. Doll Tyra goes back to doll life to inspire children with the lessons she learned in the real world (don't cook if you can't cook, hit on people's dads to learn about love, etc.)
Then the movie ends with a song and dance number featuring the film's cast, which we did not see coming, and are still processing. Watching LiLo's dad and his lawyer coworkers try to shake it along with Lindsay and Doll Tyra is a moment worth YouTubing. Truly.
Our verdict: The Parent Trap and Freaky Friday are really great movies. This is not The Parent Trap or Freaky Friday. We did learn a few nice PSAs and a choreographed dance by the end... and that if you're "anatomically correct," maybe don't tell people that.
Are you nostalgic for Life-Size now that there's a sequel coming? Tell us what you love about the Disney throwback in the comments below!
Oh, and speaking of Tyra, watch the video below to find out why the star recently quit her own talk show.