ABC's TGIT lineup has some of the most bananas twists on television right now, but here's a gentle reminder that if you want your TV extra insane—i.e. taking a sharp turn away from Shondaland and veering directly into WTFville—E!'s own super-sudsy soap The Royals is returning on Sunday for season two.
What else could you expect from the man who brought us a human heart meant for transplant falling from a cooler onto a hospital floor and promptly being eaten by a dog? Bless you, One Tree Hill mastermind Mark Schwahn, for giving us new absolutely ridiculous twists to delight in—especially when so much TV these days is so miserable. (Seriously, have you seen, like, any of the new dramas this season? Everyone is so unhappy!)
Not that everyone's doing well on The Royals—you know, considering the king is dead, the parentage of his children is being called into question and the monarchy is on the verge of total destruction—but at least the show's having fun. Below, five of the most unrealistic things about The Royals (that make us love the show even more).
1. The royal guards' complete inability to do their jobs. It's totally a trope in any piece of media about presidents or royalty to have them try to shake their security detail, but in reality, the guards are there for a reason. And there's just literally no way anyone would let the KING OF ENGLAND walk around the streets of London without anyone around him. Seriously, fire everyone. And don't get us started on the princess' bodyguard sleeping with both her AND the queen...
2. Princess Eleanor's commitment to the smoky eye. Seriously, girlfriend has no consideration for daytime vs. nighttime looks. Side note: What kind of eye makeup remover do you think she uses? Because, like, there's a lot of work involved in getting that perfect "I'd rather be taking tequila shots while surrounded by hot dudes" look, and it could definitely cause problems if not cleaned up properly. Also, do you think a makeup brand in this fictional Britain sells Princess Eleanor smoky eye palettes? Because if not, they should. (Would also buy IRL, if anyone is listening.)
3. The amount of public sex and drugs performed/consumed. No respectable rich person in their right mind would be so irresponsible and reckless with their public image. But what's wrong for real life is oh-so-excellent for television. The more debauchery the better, as far as we're concerned!
4. Elizabeth Hurley is so hot. Okay, so this isn't unrealistic, because it's definitely something that is 100 percent true in real life, but DAMN. This woman is 50 years old. How is that a real thing? How is it legal for her to be that attractive? Canada's new Prime Minister is a babe, but Queen Helena is clearly the most gorgeous world leader ever.
5. Forcing royal people to speak in Internet abbrevs. It's hilarious and it always will be. More of the monarchy saying "FML," please!
The Royals airs Sundays at 10 p.m. on E!.