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Jessica Alba

Vittorio Zunino Celotto/Getty Images

Jessica Alba looked like one hot mama in her calendar pics for Campari—too bad that lascivious look didn't last long.

Here's a really, really rosy Jessy on the equally red Campari carpet, looking like the shiniest Christmas ornament on the tree. This seasonal style mistake makes Alb-hon look wider than she did during her pregnancy, yikes. And Jess, why hide the best part of new mommyhood, your bountiful breasts?

At least your bowl-cut 'do looks better than it did here, but we much prefer you as a doe-eyed vamp, not a satin oven mitt, the perfect stocking stuffer for the MILF lover in your life.