Brace yourselves, Titanic fans, because there's a good chance you haven't been this excited about something since the 100th anniversary theatrical re-release.
The movie that everybody knows and loves is now getting is very own theme park. That's right, you'll now be able to romp through a land entirely dedicated to the world's most lovable steerage passenger.
There are, of course, some stipulations.
The first is that this theme park, which is being created in tandem with Twentieth Century Fox, is going to be in Dubai. This news shouldn't be that surprising because, well, it's Dubai. The second catch is that the Titanic-themed attractions will share space with rides based on other Fox entities like Planet of the Apes and Sons of Anarchy. But these are things we're all willing to work with, right?
The park is scheduled to open in 2018 and is projected to cost as much as $850 million because, again, Dubai. The creators of the project are keeping mum on what exactly the Titanic-land will look like, but they did tell Variety that it will feature "an immersive experience that includes motion theater simulators and will allow you to experience what it was like to be on the Titanic in an exciting way."
Sign. Us. Up.
We're not exactly well-versed in theme park construction, but we do know our movies. As such, we have a few heavy suggestions on which magical aspects of The Greatest Movie of Our Time should be included in these "experiences."
1. Jack's legendary Poker game. If you win, you get to enter the ride. If you lose, end of the line for you!
2. A walk through Steerage. Preferably accompanied by a DiCaprio lookalike.
3. "I'm the king of the world!" Just...duh.
4. An ocean wave simulator. This won't be authentic unless we feel like we might hurl at any moment.
5. A funhouse. Hey look, everything is leaning to the port side!
6. A re-creation of the best damn boat party this civilization has ever seen.
7. And that fancy dinner, too, to remind us how much it can suck to be in first class.
8. A submarine ride. Because if anyone came out of a viewing of Titanic and didn't want to be a shipwreck explorer, you're lying.