Getty ImagesTwo months after the sprawling Republican field first took to their podiums on Fox News, CNN and Facebook are hosting the first Democratic primary debate tonight.
The comparatively compact group of five—Hillary Clinton, Sen. Bernie Sanders, Lincoln Chafee, Martin O'Malley and Jim Webb, with one chair left empty for Vice President Joe Biden's internal debate—will take to the stage in Las Vegas for two hours of what we can only hope will be a serious discussion of the most pressing issues facing the United States right now.
And maybe we hope it'll be a few other things as well...
We've gotten so used to anything-goes debating this year that we assume whatever transpires in Sin City is going to be a letdown in the entertainment department. Still, we have our wish list as far as what we'd like to see when these candidates start duking it out:
1. Live From Las Vegas... Before the actual debate starts, Kate McKinnon as Hillary needs to show up for a mock session with Fred Armisen as Bernie Sanders. Great ice-breaker, and it will make everything that the real candidates say sound...well, strangely familiar, probably.
2. Celebrity Guests: Arnold Schwarzenegger watched the GOP candidates duke it out last month, so we're expecting this audience to be as star-studded as the crowd at the Mayweather-Pacquiao fight. Who is singing the national anthem before this thing, anyway...?
3. Hillary Changes Her Hair: What better time for the former U.S. senator, secretary of state and first lady to debut a lob or, better yet, an adorable pixie cut?! OMG, it's all Twitter will be talking about if that happens. There hasn't been nearly enough focus on physical appearance on the Democrats' side yet this year. Which leads us to...
4. Jim Webb Takes a Dig at Donald Trump's Face: From out of nowhere, when asked about something that has nothing to do with The Donald's mug, the former senator from Virginia should say, "I've never attacked him on his looks and, believe me, there's plenty of subject matter there." That ought to give those poll numbers a boost!
5. Funfetti: When the inevitable questions are posed to Clinton about her use of a private email account while she was secretary of state, we want Hillary to reach down behind her podium, pick up a huge satchel, pull out a sheaf of papers and toss it at the crowd, screaming, "Here! You want my emails?! Go ahead, read my emails!"
6. Spousal Support: At some point, Bill Clinton must assume the stage and take over. Not because Hillary won't be doing a good-enough job. Because he can't help himself. Or, a close second, Chelsea Clinton brings Charlotte, the 1-year-old starts getting fussy and while the candidates are taking about Syria, the sound of Bill quietly singing "Hush, Little Baby" to his granddaughter directs everyone's attention to the back of the room.
7. Joe Biden Decides: Whether it's yea or nay, the current vice president doesn't steal the debate's media thunder by announcing his intention to run or not run before showtime or the following morning. No, he announces during, thereby ensuring that nobody remembers anything about the actual debate.
8. Issues, So Many Issues: What we really want, of course, is answers. We want to hear about Clinton's plan for immigration reform and how Sanders plans to make public universities free, how Martin O'Malley will get aggressive gun-control legislation passed and who Lincoln Chafee is... not to mention how any of them plan to build a consensus across the partisan divide.
We may actually want these candidates to... debate.
The proceedings begin on CNN at 8:30 p.m. ET/5:30 PT.