Mail Nurse: The Bag Is Open

You write 'em, we answer 'em

From nice_smile-20: britney spears yet its have hair?
Here’s a secret tip: Put coffee grounds on the cat urine, let sit for two hours, then simply vacuum. The offensive odor of feline pee will disappear like magic!

From Dox1960: Please tell your Joel that I have a cousin with the same name, who is a complete dweeb. Please thank your Joel for making the name tolerable.
Your cousin Joel just walked by and saw your letter. He’s hurt and shocked, and has started drinking heavily, alone in a supply room. Is this any way to treat a blood relative? Is this really what you wanted? I hope so, because this whole thing isn’t going to just go away.

From shanbenton: My sister and I had the Chef's Tasting Menu at MGM Grand with the ending being a LAVA CAKE!!!!!!!!!! Help me out here. Lava cake?
Yeah, lava cake. Next question.

From marisagill: Just wanted to make sure you guys saw Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern this week in Maine. He ate beaver...enough said.
Not really sure what you’re driving at, Marisa. We eat quite a lot of beaver around here; the meat is surprisingly moist and tender. In fact, we just ate a beaver sandwich for lunch, and it was delicious. We really can’t get enough beaver, frankly, so some guy eating beaver on TV seems normal.   

From mahlbacher: please look at the atlanta-denver game in the last minute while the play was under review. watch the denver coach, as he digs for gold, and proceeds to eat it.
Thanks for the tip, Mahlbacher. We love football, but when we can combine booger eating with gridiron intensity, well, it just doesn’t get any better! But you already know that.

From jm-moss: how do you feel about insurance agents? i thought they were rad but now that i've added the soup to my diet i wanna be tv host too.
We echo your sentiments, J.M. Insurance agents are totally rad. The way they hang out, just insuring things all day, and then go out and have some drinks and meet babes and get it on all night in their cool apartments with dark wood paneling and family crests emblazoned in gold hanging on the walls, and all their showers are huge with imported marble floors—chicks love those showers. We don’t know too much about TV hosts. When you start high school next year, talk to a career counselor.