BBC America"Hello, sweetie."
When we read the joyous news that River Song would be making her triumphant return to Doctor Who this December, the first thing we did was obviously get a jump on our Twelfth Doctor-River Song fan fiction that's titled "Sex Storm: The Sexpocalypse."
And then we checked in on the Doctor Who fanbase to see how they were handling the fact that Alex Kingston and Peter Capaldi would finally be making acting magic together. To sum up, Whovians are basically like this right now:
Not only is River a fan-favorite, but when executive producer Steven Moffat talked about possibly leaving her character off the show for good, we got this amazing description from writer Russell T. Davies.
"I mentioned in passing to Russell that we were probably done with River," Moffat revealed. "He said, ‘You can't be done with River! No, no, no. Capaldi and Kingston, it's a sex storm!'"
And it will be a sex storm! This will be the first time the Twelfth Doctor interacts with River and needless to say, fans completely and utterly misplaced their chill when they heard the news.
The episode description for the Doctor Who Christmas Special reads: "It's Christmas Day in the future and the TARDIS is parked on a snowy village street, covered in icicles, awaiting its next adventure. Time traveler River Song meets her husband's new incarnation, in the form of Peter Capaldi, for the first time this Christmas."
"The last time the Doctor saw [River] she was a ghost," Moffat said in a statement. "The first time he met her, she died. So how can he be seeing her again? As ever, with the most complicated relationship in the universe, it's a matter of time..."
We are desperate to know how River comes back, but we know what she would say to us if we begged for more info…
Doctor Who's ninth season premieres on BBC America on Saturday, Sept. 19.