Dear Brange or Bust:
It's like a cult; there are so many brainwashed freaks over these two it's ridic. Unfortunately, it won't end until their whole facade does. Brangelina's, that is.
Horror of horrors! In Touch has a story about Orlando Bloom marrying that Dingo Miranda Kerr next year. I know you tell the real deal. Is this true or should we all breathe a sign of relief? I'm counting on you, Theodore, to get to the bottom of this.
Being the hot-'n'-bothered expert I am, I don't see real heat here. But heaven knows that still doesn't rule out an H'wood wedding.
Hasn't anyone noticed that Lindsay Lohan has become superskinny again? I was digging that she was looking seminormal for awhile there, and now she's gone and done it again. My theory she is trying to cut down on expenses and wants to share clothes with Samantha. What do you think?
Dear Fade Away:
Call me an L.A. cynic, but rapid weight loss tends to usually mean one thing. And it has very little to do with food.
I've been reading your column for years, but I'm afraid I just can't do it anymore. It used to be fun, but I regularly feel insulted when I visit your site. I'm LDS and live in Utah and am very bothered by the hurtful things you say about something that is deeply important to me and my family. I'm sorry you're upset, understandably upset, about Prop 8 passing, but you don't need to be hateful. I don't care if you're gay and I hope you and your husband will be happy. Me having different views from you doesn't make me intolerant or a bigot. It just means we're different.
Dear Bye-Bye Babe:
It's hard to live however I want when laws tell me otherwise. Hate to see you go over it, hon.
I think Hilary Swank is Shafterella Shoshstein from One Sneaky Dame Blind Vice. Chad Lowe totally took the tabloid fall for that one. Is it the Swankster, or am I at least in the ballpark?
Dear Swing and a Miss:
You're in the ballpark regarding talent.
Is Oded Good-Head from One Unmanageable Blind Vice Joe Jonas? He's been in two movies and has gone through a lot of girls in the last couple of years.
Dear Jonas Bangers:
Same goes for Joe as it did for Nick—too young. And I better not see his face around these Vice parts for a while.
Been reading stories on how Jennifer Aniston might be pregnant with John Mayer's baby and how she is so desperate for a baby that she's frozen her eggs. My question is: Why did she wait so long to want to have a baby with Brad Pitt?
Dear Fish Food:
Timing is everything; there are oodles of reasons she and Bradley didn't work out. As for Mayer, I don't think there will be any J&J tots anytime soon.
Love your blolumn—read it every day if I can! I just want to say how sorry I am about the whole Prop 8 thing—I'm a Southern Baptist girl born and raised in the dirty South and it breaks my heart that all Americans can't have the same rights.
—M., New Orleans
Dear Changing of the Sword:
Actually, the day will come when gay people realize that they have no more claim to marriage than polygamists or man-boy lovers. All three are repulsive to most Americans (outside of Hollywood). Gay people have all of the legal protections of marriage through their civil unions. But marriage has always been and will always be between women and men. Who cares what George Clooney thinks, anyway? Why don't you shake down Phyllis Diller too and see what she thinks?
Dear No Heart:
Firstly, it's called a domestic partnership; secondly, I feel sorry for people who are so naïve about what they're afraid of.
Due to the increasingly fickle nature of fans and pop culture, what do you think is the average shelf life of current Hollywood stars before they become irritating and annoying? A few years ago I enjoyed Reese Witherspoon in movies and now I can't stand her. Same goes for Jake Gyllenhaal and Will Ferrell. Do new up-and-coming movie stars even have a chance?
Dear Worse With Age:
Who they screw often determines everything. I mean, if Will doesn't cheat on his wife soon with one of the Girls Next Door, he's a goner, fer sure.
Getting used to your new style page. Jeremy Piven is Oded Goodhead. Yes?
Dear Say It Ain't Ari:
Fab guess. Oded is just as hyper (i.e., fake)-masculine, but not the Pivenator, sorry.
I've left comments on your board but I just wanted to reiterate what so many have said. I am ashamed of California for passing Prop 8 and I couldn't agree more with what Clooney said about it. Being gay is not a choice. I don't know any straight people who think that they could "choose" to switch teams.
Dear Team No:
Because they see folks like Anne Heche and Angelina Jolie do it all the time.
So what do you think the odds are of Sarah Palin being on next season's Dancing With the Stars? Or is that being too snarky?
Dear Do the Palin:
No such thing as too snarky here. But she needs to fall off the radar for a bit before she joins Dancing With the Fallen Stars. See, Sarah's still falling.