Carissa Loethen's Bridal Blog: Getting My Fiancé On Board With Wedding Planning

How to deal with a "debbie downer" fiancé

"I don't care" or "whatever's cheapest" are not exactly the responses I was hoping to hear when planning a wedding with my fiancé, Shanon. And, well, I'm already hearing them a lot—even though our planning has just started!

Look, there's no question that Shanon is excited to marry me. He just isn't so excited about the whole organizing a wedding part. My future husband is a guys' guy. He loves sports, the outdoors, drinking bourbon and getting rowdy with friends. Decorations, wedding etiquette and flower coordinating aren't exactly his cup of tea. Let's just say he's not super amused by the creative touches I think would be amazing for our ceremony.

Like when I mentioned it would be adorable to have our three dogs in the wedding—I already pictured who would walk them down the aisle and what the pups would wear. But my sweetheart's immediate response to my suggestion? "No way." He can't envision how funny and sweet it would be; he only sees the stress of traveling with three dogs and being responsible for them during an already busy weekend (which, OK…I admit, is a very reasonable concern).

I guess the good news is we're not the only couple facing this dilemma. The Plunge, a wedding site for men, says its number one complaint from women was grooms being "debbie downers." 

"Their fiancés say they don't care, but then, after months of gloomy silence, they criticize at the last second without offering anything constructive. It's a fair complaint. To keep good Groom Karma, every once in a while you must offer some positive suggestions, take a stand, and, if you must, fake enthusiasm."

OK—so my fiancé needs to work on improving his good Groom Karma.

I've learned something during the initial portion of this wedding planning process: When it comes to something men don't want to do, they have this incredible way of procrastinating until, well, you do it. (At least my man has this ability anyway.) This isn't a welcome trait when we have, oh, hundreds of time-sensitive tasks to do.

But I'm starting to realize that it's hard for him to remember that this is a party. As in it's supposed to be fun.

Since a relationship is a two-way street, I also realize I not only need to cut him some slack, but to cut myself some too. The Knot advises to not get hung-up on Shanon's lack of enthusiasm over my, say, great dessert table ideas. (Really, they're awesome.)

"It's tempting to interpret reactions like these as disinterest in your wedding (and, in turn, your relationship), but don't be so quick to pounce…Even if your groom doesn't have strong feelings about the decor, he wants the wedding to look good just as much as you do. His mild interest in the details doesn't mean he doesn't care about the wedding—it means he trusts your tastes."

Well, that's good to know!