So. What did we learn today, class?
Never, ever, ever, ever piss off Rihanna. And definitely don't take her money.
Rihanna showed the world (and her accountant) that the last thing you ever want to do is cross her with her explicit, dangerous, NSFW video for "Bitch Better Have My Money." After watching what she's capable of, we are certain that if we ever found ourselves borrowing money from her we would pay her what we owed her. On time. With interest.
Because if you get on RiRi's bad side, this kind of s--t happens:
1. She can make you disappear in the blink of an eye, like some crazy-ass magician.
At least she'll spare your dog, so she's not totally off the deep end.
2. She works smart, not hard.
Her lackeys do all the heavy lifting.
3. She will tempt you with salty, fattening snacks.
CARBS! The horror of it all!
4. She's got a lot of pent up rage.
If she acts that way towards an innocent pay phone, imagine what she'll do to the people that actually wronged her.
5. She will torch a perfectly fine automobile.
Yeah, those are crazy eyes.
6. She walks away from fire slowly like a badass.
That's the quintessential symbol that you are off your rocker, because she doesn't even need to see what's burning or if it's in danger of spreading.
7. Her shade will be next level if you vomit in her presence.
"Seriously? This bitch. How dare she throw up while we're torturing her?"
8. She doesn't care if people are looking for her.
She'll shoot of a flare in the middle of the ocean. Come get her. She's waiting for you.
9. What happens if the cops come around?
Now you know. Boom! Bottle to the head.
10. She gets a rush from all this mayhem.
Your pain makes her SO happy.
11. She rolls with plenty of toys.
And by "toys" we mean "horrifying tools o' death."
12. She looks flawless, even when she's about to murder someone.
A woman who looks that good while holding a knife is lethal.
13. She takes her time.
What part of "bitch better have my money" did you not understand?!
14. And instead of washing away her dirty work…
...she reveals in it like she's at some Beverly Hills spa.
In short: Always be on Rihanna's good side.