Jason Davis/WireImageCountry music fans, we bow down to thee and thy drinking abilities.
In case anyone out there was unsure of whether Kenny Chesney concertgoers were the biggest party maniacs in the world, take this most recent show at Lambeau Field. For clarification, that is Lambeau Field, home of the Green Bay Packers, in Wisconsin, where there are more bars than churches and it is actually legal to drink as a child as long as you're with your parents.
Now that everyone's caught up, please note that there were almost 300 people ejected and over 25 arrested at this concert. It was a veritable bacchanal right there on the football field. It was a zoo of drunks running wild. And most of all, it was a nightmare for the police.
The editors over at Deadspin managed to get their hands on the Green Bay police scanner and discovered some of the most horrifying police calls of all time. Officers reported all kinds of embarrassing crimes. There was the guy in cutoffs harassing fellow concertgoers for reporting his secret booze stash. There was the fan puking all over people. There was an intoxicated man foaming at the mouth. There were fights upon fights upon fights.
And then there was the hero of the night, the guy who "Uh...he's...uh, dirtied his pants." That's right ladies and gentleman, he POOPED HIMSELF. At a Kenny Chesney concert. This probably deserves a slow clap because we don't know if there's a more over-the-top way to prove you're the drunkest one in the stadium.
What's even better is that Deadspin went and remixed all these police calls into a whole new kind of Kenny Chesney song. A completely accurate Kenny Chesney song! For someone who sings lyrics like "Man, you can't just take a little sip, fill your cup, drink it up," it's not all that surprising that his fans would be, well, passionate about getting wasted.
But regardless of motivation, there's nothing more priceless than listening to cops describing drunk people. Head here to peep the video and enjoy.