As we all know, Swift debuted the music video for "Bad Blood" last month with a bevy of famous ladies alongside her. But in true Madonna fashion, the elder pop diva swooped in and stole all her squad thunder. Maybe.
The full video for "Bitch I'm Madonna" dropped this morning on Tidal (but you can view it here, too), and to say it's chock full of talent would be an understatement. It's almost like Madonna was trying to one-up Taylor. Do we smell a squad-off?
The answer is yes. Ahead, we've evaluated the two videos based on the most important aspects of any squad—let the games begin.
Squad Size: In Madonna's corner we have the following members: Rita Ora, Chris Rock, Miley Cyrus, Alexander Wang, Katy Perry, Beyoncé, Kanye West, Nicki Minaj, Diplo and David and Rocco Ritchie. In Taylor's corner are Selena Gomez, Kendrick Lamar, Lena Dunham, Hailee Steinfeld, Serayah, Gigi Hadid, Ellie Goulding, Martha Hunt, Cara Delevingne, Zendaya, Hayley Williams, Lily Aldridge, Karlie Kloss, Jessica Alba, Ellen Pompeo, Mariska Hargitay and Cindy Crawford. It doesn't take a mathematician to figure this round out.
Squad Quality: We love the girl power vibe of "Bad Blood," but there's really no competition here. We don't know what it took to talk Beyoncé into appearing in "Bitch I'm Madonna," but that's a game-over situation for sure. 'Yonce tops all.
Squad Authenticity: As unbelievable as it may seem, Taylor Swift actually does cavort with all of the players in her music video. Our opinions on her habits of professional friend collection are an issue for another story, but all that matters here is that, yes, these people really are her girl gang and not just for show. Madonna, on the other hand...we have some questions about her squad. It's not doubtful that she has a professional relationship with all of these players, but can anyone say with certainty that she would ever be found in a room with these people if she weren't trying to put together a super buzzy music video? After all, what do Chris Rock and Madonna really have to say to each other?
Squad Dance Skills: This is a music video competition after all! Peeps gotta have moves. Unfortunately those weren't really on display in "Bad Blood;" it was more about fight skills and whatnot. Those weren't half bad (especially you, Zendaya, you've got a way with a knife!), but today we're crushing on Madonna's gang. She got Chris Rock to show off his two-step, Beyoncé comes in hot with the hand play, and don't even get us started on Alexander Wang's "I am heeeerrrrreeeee" twirl.
Squad Style: Is your squad even a squad if they're not fresh? That is the eternal question. But in this case, everybody's a loser because it's all bad. Maybe Madge and Tay should take a page out of North and Penelope's book. #TutuLife.
If you've ben keeping track, that means this #SquadContest is dead even. But don't worry, we totally have a tie-breaker: The actual song! Because as obsessed as we are with these gangs of celebrities, they're really all here to promote the hot jams. Which, sadly, doesn't bode well with Madonna because her track is, well, weak. Say what you will about Taylor Swift and her crop tops, but she can make a catchy little ditty. Go girl.