Eva Longoria Parker, Mario Lopez

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At the BlackBerry Bold party last week, the mood was so up, almost as if we were about to head into some major change in this land. Hope so. Per usual, though, was skele-stylist Rachel Zoe, whose clothes looked like they were falling off her.

And people pay for this look? Idiots. Which dumbos need you most in this town, we asked R.Z.? "No one," she snot-shot back. You heard it here, celebs. Don't bother hiring Rach—like you were gonna anyway.

Elsewhere at the swell soiree...

Kevin Connolly hung, bro-like, not heavy-breathing-like, with Hayden Panettiere instead of his bitchy ex, Nicky Hilton Rothschild, who circled K.C. like he was prey not worthy of rekilling.

Mario Lopez, more sis-like, clung to Eva Longoria Parker; babe sure likes her male companionship, for whatever reason, dark and a little dingy, eh? Maybe the bitch isn't preggers? Smoked away like nuts in her little Empire-waisted job, as you may have heard. And burning was our Q to Dustin Hoffman on all things communicative, darlings:

A.T.: When's the most inappropriate time to use your BlackBerry?

D.H.: What a good question that is; it should be in a movie. I'm sure you've heard during sex, before sex, after sex...[someone yells "doggie style;" he laughs] doggie style, that may be the easiest time.

Not laughing at all, most unusual for her, was Private Practice hon Kate Walsh, who arrived right at the do's end, wouldn't even do press for the folks who hosted, got her phone and left. Uh. Is a real-life version of Invasion of the Body Snatchers playing in Hollywood, with goodie whore Debra Messing taking over normally sweet-stuff Kate's bod? Apparently so.

—Additional sass by Taryn Ryder

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