Helen Sloan/HBOWarning: Game of Thrones spoilers, both real and completely speculative, and finale photos are dead ahead. If you don't want to know about the finale or even discuss who might die, mount your dragon and fly away from this post.
The Game of Thrones season five finale is mere days away, and winter is no longer coming. Winter is here, y'all.
And we all know Winter brings death. You know at least one big character has to bite it in episode 10, right? The finale is titled "Mother's Mercy," which we interpret as "Someone Will NOT Be Shown Mercy and They Will Die Horribly." Because do mothers, especially mothers worried about her children or protecting their children, actually have mercy?
Nope. S--t is definitely going to do down on Sunday.
So in the spirit of speculation, and because the Game of Thrones writers have gone off-book, we thought we'd list the characters who should die in the finale because they are awful, terrible humans who have done awful, terrible things. Not will die; should die.
In no particular order, here are the characters that need to go to that big TV set in the sky and the reasons why they need to shuffle off this mortal coil immediately:
1. Cersei Lannister
Death is probably too light of a sentence, but she's basically the worst.
2. Stannis Baratheon
Sacrificed daughter because his army is terrible and didn't stop 20 men from lighting everything on fire. Will feel the wrath of the millions of viewers who watched last week hopefully in the form of a vengeful Davos.
3. Melisandre
Lit a child on fire. Actually has no idea what she's doing.
4. Ramsay Bolton
Hopefully dies when the ghost of Theon's penis comes back to kill him in his sleep. Can join Joffrey in hell.
5. Theon Greyjoy
Constantly makes things worse. Can't seem to redeem himself even when given ample opportunity.
6. Selyse Florent
Watched her daughter die. Definitely was not OK with it, but still didn't do anything to stop it. She'l probably be doing some murdering in the finale.
7. The High Sparrow
Not tolerant of gay people. But he also put Cersei in jail so…he did a bad thing and a good thing.
8. Ser Meryn Trant
Pissed off Arya and made her dunzo list. Likes his prostitutes young, which is incredibly disturbing.
9. The Night's King:
Made the most iconic "Come at me, bro" gesture of all time. Or should we say "Come at me, Crow" gesture. Has a frozen zombie nightmare army. Probably wants revenge on Jon Snow for killing a White Walker like a BAMF.
Now, as it is tradition for Game of Thrones writers to break our hearts, this is not a list of people who deserve to die. This is a list of people who should die if the powers-that-be want to shatter our hopes and dreams forever and ever and ever. It's kind of like the opposite of the list above. These people are awesome and we need them to live forever, which is why the writers would kill them off. Because they hate when we are happy:
1. Tyrion Lannister
Finally got to Daenerys, which we've all been waiting for since the beginning of television. At least that's how long it's felt like.
2. Daenerys Targaryen
Our queen. We worship her. Has dragons.
3. Jon Snow
He's our sweet, beautiful, pouty-lipped snow prince. Knows nothing, but can kill White Walkers like it ain't no thang.
4. Jorah Mormont
Possibly, finally getting out of the friend zone. Is infected with both love for Dany and greyscale.
5. Davos Seaworth
Probably should have stolen Princess Shireen when he left.
6. Jaime Lannister
We're actually surprised he's still alive.
7. Sansa Stark
Having the worst TV season ever. Should be put out of her misery.
8. Arya Stark
Thisclose to knocking someone off her hit list.
9. Daario Naharis
Regulation hottie.
So who should die in the Game of Thrones finale for maximum impact? Keep in mind, it has to be a death (or deaths) that will last us a whole year until season six. Take the poll below and then let's speculate wildly and irresponsibly in the comments: