Lisa O'Connor/ZUMA PressDear Ted:
"Jennifer Hudson tragedy." Has anyone considered her ex-boyfriend (James Payton) of eight years? I felt something like this happening the minute I heard of her recent engagement. He stood by her on her road to fame and was always there for her. She dumped him less than seven months ago and she is already engaged to someone she barely knows? Ouch! Thats gotta hurt.
—Mscairo
Dear Lovers and Friends:
I'm sure someone with close ties to the family can put personal hurt feelings aside at a time like this. I'd be very surprised if he hasn't reached out to J, and vice versa.
Dear Ted:
I turn to you for wisdom on all things gay. Is the fact that A-Rod likes muscular women leading somewhere? Do you think he should just be with a man and see if this is the underlying reason for the gristle fetish? Do you think that Madonna's song "Incredible," which she said was about sex with Guy, was really about A-Rod? We now know she and Guy weren't having any for quite a while.
—LadyJmeow, N.J.
Dear Sex Drive:
I don't think A-Rod is exactly picky. I know some ladies who have crawled into his bed who look quite different than bulky Em.
Dear Ted:
It was more than kind of you to send immediate condolences to Jennifer Hudson. Though this is a trauma that will haunt her all her life, I'm sure your words were from the heart and, as such, much appreciated. And if anything else positive can come from this awful tragedy, let's hope it's renewed focus on the signs, symptoms and prevention of domestic violence in all levels of society.
—Susan, Munich, Germany
Dear Tearful Time:
J Hud and her family can use all of our prayers right now, especially now that the sitch has become even more horrific.
Dear Ted:
I thought that Toothy Tile had the talent, personality, integrity, braveness and beauty to be the Jackie Robinson of Hollywood. What do you think happened to him that he turned into an average phony hypocrite playing the Hollywood game?
—Laura
Dear Braveheart:
Money.
Dear Ted:
Re: Ms. Banderas' Bad Look—Melanie Griffith actually looks very, very good. Her skin is milky (maybe just a little pasty), her hair is a little relaxed and unkempt. Her eyes are still very bright, and I totally disagree with your assessment here. Please correct yourself. She's 51, not 21. She looks darned good for 51. I love Mel, too. She's sweet.
—MmMckinn
Dear Nothing but a Number:
Well, I don't change my statements regarding that par-tick pic. But I did see her this weekend, and when she was glitzed up, she looked pretty doable. It's hit or miss here in H'wood, darlin'.
Dear Ted:
Is Ashton Kutcher the Stud-Bucket LeBeouf from One Fine-Print Prick Blind Vice?
—Kamila
Dear Studly 'Shton:
Fab guess my dear, but no. Although SBL does dabble in modeling.
Dear Ted:
Is Toothy Tile happy with the bearding? Why did he have Baby Tile if he wasn't willing to stand up as a father and all his public actions show he only cares about faking for the sake of his own image?
—Laura
Dear Fatherly Love:
Clay Aiken, he's not. Thank homo heavens!
Dear Ted:
Regardless of what their reps say, Duchovny and Anderson most certainly shared time in that Graumann's bathroom. She entered, some time passed, he exited. I'm not saying they got naked, but they were in there together. There were other people milling about when I saw it happen. I think it's funny if their reps are vehemently denying the allegations. I don't want to besmirch Ms. Anderson's character, as she has never been anything but lovely to me, but damn, do I ever want their lawyers if I'm in trouble.
—Flatsorheels
Dear Catty Pal:
That's some pretty expensive meowing you'd have to pay for, dear, sure you're up for the price?
Dear Ted:
Is Stud-Bucket LeBeouf Tony Parker? I must have a black heart thinking how delicious that would be after Eva's "royal wedding" in France!
—Anne
Dear Desperate Hub-unit:
Close on many accounts. But no.
Dear Ted:
How can you support Obama who has said he would sit down and talk with Fidel Castro and the president of Iran, both dictators who jail and imprison homosexual men in their countries? Wouldn't you call that hypocrisy on your behalf, since you are fighting for certain rights in this country?
—yvetteduron
Dear Naive:
So, I'm supposed to vote for gay-slapping Palin and McCain, instead? You must still be single. As I'm sure no one's perfect enough for you, hon.
—Additional sassing by Taryn Ryder