Jimmy Fallon and Dwayne Johnson's Commencement Speech in 1989 Is the Worst Graduation Speech Ever—Watch!

Tonight Show sketch is guaranteed to make you laugh

By Zach Johnson May 22, 2015 11:55 AMTags

Who better to deliver a graduation speech than high school students with the two lowest GPAs, besides, well, anyone? In a sketch that aired on NBC's The Tonight Show Thursday, Jimmy Fallon and Dwayne Johnson played two graduating seniors whose commencement speech offered little practical advice for the future.

Speaking at Oneonta High School, home of the Yellowjackets, BFFs Bobby Ristick (Fallon) and Logan Duffy (Johnson)—a.k.a. Dufftron 3000—wanted to "offer some words of wisdom" to the class of 1989. What made them qualified? "We've learned a lot over our eight years at this high school," Bobby said.

"First off, focus on the future," Logan told his fellow classmates. "Don't get caught up in fads that won't last, like 'computers.' You really think a dumb box of wires is going to be around in 10 years? A-doy!"

"My fellow students, it's time to say goodbye. A lot of us will never see each other again. What, do you think that one day we're all going to keep in touch using some magical book with a bunch of faces in it? What would you even call that?" Bobby asked. Logan replied, "I know what I'd call it! I'd call it a big sack of 'never gonna happen.' Oh, you disagree? That's too bad. That's my prerogative,'" he said before singing Bobby Brown's hit "My Prerogative."

"As we enter the next phase of our lives, I'll never forget the lessons I learned at this school. For example, I learned that 'moat' rhymes with 'boat,'" Bobby said. "Coincidence? I think 'noat.'" Logan, meanwhile, had another epiphany. "I learned that I can be anything I want to be. I mean, I'm popular. I'm strong. I'm athletic," he explained. "Mark my words, I'm going to be this generation's O.J. Simpson!"

"Changing 'el subjecto,' guys, it's a dangerous world out there," Bobby said. "If you want to survive and succeed, then I have just one word for you: kung fu." He and Logan then performed some karate moves.

"Class of '89, as we prepare to graduate, we must remember that the future is now. Well, actually, now is the present. But in like five seconds, the future will be here. Wait for it...5, 4, 3, 2...now is the future!" Logan said. "Dammit! No, no, no! It's the present! Oh, dammit! It's the past again! Oh! Time sucks!"

"Even as we complete our education, many questions still remain. Questions like, how do you throw out a garbage can? Think about it. Is Ronald McDonald a virgin?" Bobby asked. "In closing, we've got to hold on to what we've got."

"Doesn't make a difference if we make it or not," Logan said.

Bobby continued, "We've got each other, and that's a lot."

"For love," Logan said, "we'll give it a shot."

"Whoa, we're halfway there!" they sang. "Whoa! Living on a prayer!"

The sketch ended with a high-five as Simple Minds' "Don't You Forget About Me" played. In the update, it was revealed that Bobby "lost his virginity on Halloween while dressed as Ronald McDonald." Logan "used the idea of a 'magical book of faces' to create an online social network. He called it 'MySpace.'"

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