HBOWarning: major spoilers below! Do not read until you have watched Game of Thrones season five episode 4, "The Sons of the Harpy."
Well, that escalated quickly. What seemed like another setup episode of Game of Thrones ended up becoming extremely deadly in the final moments for one fan-favorite character that has been a part of this series since the very beginning. It was a tragic, but oh-so-epic way to go...and totally deviated from the books once more. Plus, we finally learned who Littlefinger is backing in the war for the Iron Throne, and another fan-favorite finds himself locked up in jail. "The Sons of the Harpy" was not a happy episode! Let's recap, shall we?
During a meeting with the Master of Coin in King's Landing, Cersei learns the Iron Bank is calling for 1/10 of the Lannister debts to be paid (and a Lannister always...you get the gist), but they can only afford to pay less than half that. Should their motto be changed? What will they annoyingly tell everyone they meet now?! Cersei wants to negotiate better terms with the Iron Bank…in person. Uh oh. Will Cersei and Arya finally be in the same city again? S--t is going to go down! But nope, instead of going herself (boo!), Cersei nominates the Master of Coin, Lord Tyrell, to go as their envoy with Ser Meryn Trant as his personal escort.
After their midnight squabble in a brothel, Jorah steals a man's boat to take Tyrion to "the Queen" aka either to Cersei or Daenerys…but at least he leaves the poor guy some silver for his loss? Tyrion annoys Jorah so much he finally takes the gag off him during their voyage, and Tyrion tries to get any info he can from his captor. Jorah finally reveals he's taking Tyrion to Queen Daenerys, not Queen Cersei, and Tyrion laughs at the irony of it all since he was heading there already! Taking clues from Jorah's armor and appearance, he figures out who he is at once. Tyrion tries to get into his head, but only ends up pissing him off enough to punch him. Oops!
Jaime continues his voyage to Dorne on a merchant ship with Bronn. After talking through their plan, Bronn realizes the reason Jaime is putting his life at risk to rescue Myrcella instead of sending an army is because he needs to make it up to Cersei for letting Tyrion go. But Jaime says if he ever sees Tryion again he'll split him in two. Clearly there is little love lost between the two brothers after Tyrion killed Tywin. Sad trombone.
Jaime and Bronn make it to shore in Dorne, and Bronn brings up a good point: what if the captain of the ship that they paid off to bring them to Dorne snitches on them? And it seems like he did, since Dornish soldiers immediately ride to where they are and Bronn tries to pass themselves off as random guys escaping a shipwreck, but it turns into a fight and they take out all the guards. Bonus: Jaime realizes he can use his bronze hand in defense! That will most certainly come in handy.
Back in King's Landing, Cersei meets with the High Sparrow to talk about how to better urge the people to follow the gods, not their own swords. The idea of the extinct Faith Militant comes up, an army for the religious, which was dissolved before the Targaryen reign began, and was the sword by which they could "defend the gods." Cersei offers to tell Tommon to sign a decree, arming the faithful chosen by the High Sparrow himself.
The new religious army, made up of the Sparrows, then take to the streets, and invade Littlefinger's brothel to torture and kill an old man who was paying to sleep with young boys. Then, they capture Loras for his "sins against gods and men," aka being gay. Margaery confronts Tommen when she finds out Loras is rotting in a cell, and Tommen doesn't seem to understand there's been a war brewing between Margaery and Cersei. Aw, so innocent, this one.
So Margaery changes tactics from anger and appeals to Tommen's crush on her and becomes emotional over her brother's well-being, and it works! Tommen promises to set Loras free. Cersei won't release Loras though, and makes Tommen confront the High Sparrow himself to get it done. Unfortunately, he epically fails because he doesn't know what to do or how to give orders, since he is just a little boy after all, and Margaery makes her disappointment in her new husband quite clear. The honeymoon is officially ovah!
Up at Castle Black, Stannis continues his creepy obsession of Jon Snow by watching him fight, and even drops a hint that he knows Jon's mother was more than just a rando in a tavern that Ned came across once. He then tells Melisandre he needs her when they march on Winterfell, but she tells him he only needs faith.
Up in his new office, Sam is helping Jon write solicitation letters for more men and supplies, but he refuses to address one to Roose Bolton, knowing everything that man did to his family and his home. Sam ends up convincing him to, though, and he isn't happy about it. Melisandre kicks Sam out of the room to meet with Jon alone, and tries to get him to come with them as they march on Winterfell, his "old home." Guess she thinks Stannis needs just a little bit something more than faith after all, huh?
But he remains loyal to the Night's Watch, and says that Castle Black is his home now. She then gets naked, and tries to seduce him. A lesser man would have been alllll over that, but this is Jon we're talking about! He refuses, and credits his love to Ygritte as the reason why. "You know nothing, Jon Snow," she fires back at him before leaving the room. Mic drop!
When Stannis' daughter Shireen comes to him in his office, she asks if he's ashamed of her, and that's when we learn the true reason she is so deformed. When she was an infant, a Dornish merchant tried to sell Stannis a doll. He put it in her cradle, and still remembers how it made her smile. She pressed it to her cheek, and before they realized what was happening and could burn the doll, it was too late, and she was infected with greyscale. Instead of giving up on her, Stannis did all he could to try and heal her, and one of the healers he hired managed to stop the disease and save her life. Telling her that story was Stannis' weird way of saying, "I love you." Plus, it lead to that super awkward hug!
In Winterfell, Littlefinger finds Sansa lighting candles for her dead family, and she asks about her aunt Lyanna. Littlefinger remembers when he saw her once, back when she was promised to Robert Baratheon. Rhaegar Targaryen won a tournament, and instead of laying a crown of flowers on his wife, he laid it in Lyanna's lap, silencing the crowd and setting the spark for the rebellion that set everything on this show in motion. That moment foreshadowed the tens of thousands who would later die because Rhaegar "chose" Lyanna.
But Sansa counters that while he chose her, he also kidnapped and raped her. Littlefinger notes her way of thinking, and then shares with Sansa the fact that while he's riding to answer Cersei's summons in King's Landing, he knows Stannis is going to ride on Winterfell, taking it from Roose Bolton, and rallying the Stark bannermen to his cause, giving him the men he needs to take the Iron Throne. Now we truly know which king Littlefinger is backing! His plan also includes getting Stannis to name Sansa "Wardeness of the North." And if Stannis loses, then Sansa is to make Ramsay "hers," and use him to her advantage. Win-win, right? Kiiiiind of.
Back in Dorne, we finally meet the Sand Snakes, aka Oberyn's fierce daughters! They tell Oberyn's lover, who still wants to start a war over Oberyn's death, about the ship captain who wanted money for information about how he shipped Jaime Lannister into Dorne. They got their info…but paid the captain with scorpions crawling over his face, and a spear through his head. What a perfect introduction to the Sand Snakes. Ellaria realizes Jaime came for Myrcella, aka their only shot at revenge against Cersei. The Sand Snakes agree to side with her, to get war and revenge over peace. They are their father's daughters, after all.
And we finally return to Mereen, where Dany learns from Ser Barristan that her late brother—so many Rhaegar references this week!—loved to go into the streets of King's Landing and sing to the people. She's surprised to hear he was good at something other than killing. She's then pestered once again to reopen the fighting pits, but she stands strong. That proves to be a big mistakes, as the Sons of the Harpy make their deadly move and attack the city, taking out Unsullied left and right, but Grey Worm manages to stay alive. It looks bleak for a moment, until Ser Barristan arrives to help him take out the Sons attacking him, and after an epic fight, the Sons kill him, and Grey Worm collapses among the bodies. RIP Ser Barristan, you went out fighting epically and heroically, the way any Kingsguard should go. But even book readers were shocked by this death—he's still alive in the books!
What did you think of "The Sons of the Harpy," Game of Thrones fans? Hit the comments section below to weigh in!
Game of Thrones airs Sundays at 9 p.m. on HBO.