Amy Schumer is no Drew Barrymore.
Unlike the Blended actress did in 1995, the comedian didn't actually flash David Letterman on live TV. But when Schumer appeared on CBS' The Late Show Monday, she did pretend to show some skin. "Since we probably won't be on the show together again, do something now that you'll regret," the host joked.
Schumer stood up and lifted her dress. "See my scar?" she asked.
"What is that?" Letterman asked. "What happened there?"
"That's my vagina," Schumer said matter-of-factly.
Letterman got red in the face, saying, "Well, I asked for it, didn't I? It's all my fault!"
In reality, she said, "That's a scar from surfing! It's a surfing scar, I promise!"
"My vagina's right where it should be!" she added.
Schumer, a recent Peabody Award winner, was on the show to promote the third season of Comedy Central's hit series Inside Amy Schumer, premiering Tuesday. "I just found out right before I came out, we got a fourth season!" the comic said.
"That's good. That's a lot of work, though," the host said. "Because you would think that it would get easier. Do you find that the show gets easier as it goes along?"
"I find that I'm getting easier, but the show...?" Schumer replied.
"Honestly, what does that mean?" the host asked.
"I meant sexually, Dave," Schumer told him.
Naturally, the conversation turned to relationships. "What's your status?" he asked.
"My status is it's complicated," the Trainwreck star joked. "No, I'm totally single. I was dating someone for a little [bit]. I was actually dating an infectious disease doctor, because, you know, two birds...I'm a smart girl. But no, we broke up. He was like a secret alcoholic, and that's, like, my thing!" Post-split, her mom offered advice. "She speaks in bumper stickers. I called her after the breakup and she's like, 'You need to love like you've never been hurt.' Like, that's just bad advice. 'Dance like no one's watching.'" Letterman laughed and told her, "That's like Dr. Phil."
"You should always dance like at least a couple of people are dancing," she said.
Schumer's younger sister, a writer/producer on Inside Amy Schumer, hasn't been very helpful when it comes to setting her up on dates. "This season on the show I had the biggest crush on one of the guys on the crew, and he just would never even glance in my direction...He had no interest in me. It was kind of a joke. So my sister one day is like, 'Amy! Oh my God, don't turn around! He's looking at you!' I'm like, 'OK!' So I slowly turn around,' and he was sleeping on a pile of equipment."
"Not only is he not checking me out," Schumer said, "he's not doing his job!"