FlynetDear Ted:
Why is Toothy Tile bearding when he has a baby with his boyfriend? As much as I adore Family Tile, I think Gray Goose should take Baby Tile with him and leave Toothy. Enough is enough when manufacturing a fake image! The baby comes first and requires honesty. What do you think?
—Myla
Dear Honest Woman:
I think you know what I think. After all, your letter's first, isn't it?
Dear Ted:
Well, you showed them! Madonna has finally dumped Guy! Sometimes you scare me. It's funny, Angelina hates her father because he cheated on her mother, but yet she ends up being a man-taker!
—Ellie, Trinidad & Tobago
Dear Caribbean Clean:
Irony, if anything, often leads to Oscars and butch baseball stars.
Dear Ted:
I found the poll on bisexuality really offensive. I am bisexual, and whether I am with a woman or a man does not mean I have chosen to be heterosexual or homosexual, that will always be my sexuality. I get there are some out there who do it for attention, and Lindsay may be among them, but ultimately that is a lot more annoying to me than it is to you because it undermines my identity in the eyes of a lot of people. Please don't help achieve that. P.S.: The yellow is growing on me.
—M
Dear Sexuality Sis:
Technically, I'm bisexual, too, M (is this the M?). Sorry, if you were offended, but I think everybody's getting a tad too sensitive. God knows if I can still laugh after the names people call me, anybody can. Lighten up, and thanks for the color kudos, appreciate it!
Dear Ted:
The only reason I'm voting Democrat is for the right of gay people to marry and to oppose Prop 8. If you say that Obama is against gay marriage, then why vote for him?
—Dennat
Dear Details, Details:
And my alternatives are? The moose-killer? Nader? No, I'd like to end the Republican bloodshed if I can.
Dear Ted:
I think that it's idiotic of you to try to compare segregation to the same-sex marriage issue. I am not against gay marriage but I would like to know the last time a black person walked in a room and had people say, "I wonder if he's black?" Blacks don't get the opportunity to "come out" and then deal with scrutiny after having "come out." They deal with it every day. It is sad that same-sex couples deal with scrutiny and unfair treatment, but how dare you say theirs and your struggles are the same as racial issues. There is no comparison.
—Sellers
Dear Offended:
I take it you haven't met Richard Simmons? Actually, there very much is a comparison between all intolerance, Sellers. I'm sorry you don't see it. Coretta Scott King surely did, and she spoke about it much more eloquently than I could hope to.
Dear Ted:
Love the column, hate the color. I know, tough crapola to me. However, your use of "prolly" reminds me of a Jr. High kid. It's almost creepy. Keep on pokin' Palin and McCain, those two are seriously scary.
—Joe, Los Angeles
Dear Prollyana:
I know what you mean, it really does sound like I should be winking one heavily guylinered eye as I say it. I'll stop immediately.
Dear Ted:
I have a theory that everything Angelina Jolie does in her adult life is a checklist of how to either get back at or one-up her father. I dig kids, but this whole transformation from psycho slut to Earthy Mother Teresa seems pretty contrived. Thanks so much for keeping it real.
—Amy, Los Angeles
Dear Angie-Dart:
Hey, she's really no worse than the rest. Everybody's got a gimmick. Hers just smells more than others, right now.
Dear Ted:
A lovely, smart lady on the boards thinks Dimpled Drew is Hugh Jackman. My guess was Goran Visnjic. Can you tell us who is closer? Belated congrats on the nuptials, keep up the political talk (they are media whores, too, and we all have the right), and you are proof positive that a known homosexual man can still be eye-candy to women.
—Suzy W.
Dear Tush Licking for Toothy:
Nice approach, I like it. Hmmm. Nope, Hugh a bit too famous for Dimpled (a bit), and Goran just the right amount, though the real D.D. is blondish at times, not brunet. Def keep on guessin' like you do, sugar!
Dear Ted:
Your rant about Angelina Jolie stinks of bitterness. What's the matter, Ted? Did Ms. Jolie do something to wound your ego, or do you have trouble with women who freely express themselves and live their lives in and of their own free will?
—Bonnie O.
Dear Jolie Jumper:
No and no and why are you so bitter? Can't take it when somebody's Angelina-esque to Angelina?
Dear Ted:
I noticed Angelina Jolie always wears black. What the hell is she mourning?
—Melissa
Dear Good Question:
Mutual multiple orgasms, darling.
Dear Ted:
Kudos on the Madge/Guy divorce reports. You have said for a very long time that they would be over soon. You hit the nail on the big fat head yet again. I know we all have the right to freedom of speech, but ever since you changed to the blog format, I have never read such childish and some downright horrid personal attacks on both you and your stories. I really don't understand everyone's need to be so vile. Stay safe and let's start that Bennifer divorce watch now!
—Julia, Chicago
Dear High Chi:
Thanks, I do (they're quite often Tom Green and Jennifer Garner fans), and I already did!
Dear Ted:
I really used to enjoy your column, but lately it has sadly gone downhill. The format is terrible. Who designed your page, anyway? All you do is rag on people. How about some real gossip and quit the whining.
—TW
Dear Attack Attack:
I simply adore the yellow, though the format may be re-tweaked in the future—hold on, please. As to the crank-a-thon problem, nothing I can do. I'm from Texas where the hair's as big as the hot air.
Dear Ted:
So now Madonna's reps are saying the marriage has been over for a long time? Quite a switch. Once again, you called it a long time ago. She is becoming what I always thought she was, a better-dressed version of Cher. Take the $50 mil and run, Guy!
—Amcmurf
Dear Bugle-Blind:
Hey, I happen to think Cher's nuthouse threads work far better on her than M's too-stretched deltoids do on her. I mean, get A-Rod to loosen ya up a little, eh, Madge?