Dave J Hogan/Getty Images
Dave J Hogan/Getty Images
In our effort to be more in touch with today's youth, which basically looks like this:
We want to let all One Direction fans know that we, too, have had our hearts shattered beyond repair by a pop culture event. We've all been burned by celeb strangers who clearly did not consider our feelings before leaving bands, breaking up with their significant others or ending their shows.
We can commiserate, because we've been through these pop culture apocalypses that left us forever changed, and we stand before you as survivors! We got through it, and so can all of you Directioners:
1. Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake splitting up
2. Geri Halliwell leaving The Spice Girls
3. Friends going off the air
4. The first Star Wars prequel disappointing everyone
5. Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens breaking up
6. The last Harry Potter film opening in theaters
7. The Good Wife killing off Will Gardner
8. The Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart cheating scandal
9. Lauren Conrad choosing Jason over Paris on The Hills
10. Will Arnett and Amy Poehlerending their marriage
11. Jon Stewart announcing he's leaving The Daily Show
12. Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt divorcing
13. Marissa's death on The O.C.
14. 'N Sync splitting up (and the laughable reunion that lasted less than 30 seconds)
15. Felicity cutting her hair
16. Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey splitting after Newlyweds
17. Mufasa death in The Lion King
18. Destiny's Child parting ways
19. David Tennant's final Doctor Who episode
20. When Steve from Blue's Clues seemingly disappeared
21. Happy Endings getting the ax
22. Stephen Colbert's final episode of The Colbert Report
23. Bea Arthur announcing she's leaving Golden Girls
24. Tina Fey leaving Saturday Night Live
25. The Beatles splitting up
26. Reading the Red Wedding in A Storm of Swords
And for a lot of these terrible moments in time, we didn't have Twitter. There was no #TheyWontBeThereForUs when Friends went off the air. We couldn't find other people online to talk about #TearingUpOURHearts when 'N Sync was dunzo. And when Geri left The Spice Girls?! We didn't have #GeriGeriQuiteContrary or some other less lame hashtag.
So yes, Zayn Malik leaving One Direction is terribly sad, but find comfort in the fact that you can go on nine different social media sites to grieve with other fans. Back in our day, we had to pick up the landline, ask our older sister to get off AOL so we could use the phone and then three-way-call our BFFs.
(It was a real process.)
Hang in there, 1D fans. You'll make it.