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Churro Dog

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It's only five hours and 32 minutes from Los Angeles to Phoenix without traffic. So with LA traffic we should get there in two days! Let's go, everyone! Why?

The Churro Dog. It's a dessert item so glorious it actually frightens us.

The Arizona Diamondbacks just announced that this year at Chase Field they will be offering this delicious concoction for baseball fans and snacks-so-sugary-your-foot-might-fall-off fans.

According to ESPN, the Churro Dog is "a warm cinnamon churro sitting inside a long john chocolate glazed donut, which is then topped with frozen yogurt, caramel and chocolate sauces."

Or, to put it in simpler terms:

Heavy Breathing GIF

So let's say you are aiming to only eat 2,000 calories in a day but you really, really, really want this Churro Dog. We do not blame you. Look at it. We want to hold it in our arms, caress it lovingly and show it how much we care before we devour it like an starved animal.

But if you want to treat yourself but also stay under 2,000 calories for the day, here is what you can eat with your Churro Dog for the rest of the day:

•One café latte
•One cup of frozen grapes
•One sweet potato
•Two cups of cheese popcorn
•One ounce of jerky
•Eight olives
•40 Goldfish crackers
•One slice of whole wheat toast with two scrambled egg whites

Bam. We've planned out your menu for your Churro Dog day. You are welcome.

Unless you are planning on eating the other crazy thing the stadium offers, which is the D-bat Dog. It's a 18-inch corn dog stuffed with bacon, cheddar and jalapenos. Oh, and it comes with a crap ton of fries. If that's the case, then you probably won't keep it under 2,000 calories for that day.

Whatever, eat them both. Because you only live once, which is a new, hip saying that should really have its own slang term/anagram by now, don't you agree?