Monty Brinton / CBS • Critics are saying nice things about Britney Spears...wait, this story can’t be right. Hold on while we reread it: Critics are praising her acting and comedic timing. Can't. Be. Kind. Brain. Will. Melt.
• Henry Rollins has revealed that Brit’s voice was blended with another singer’s to make her CD even passably listenable, because Britney “just has no feel.” Whew! That’s better!
• A doc allegedly injected Priscilla Presley’s face with industrial grade auto lube instead of Botox. Some see this as malpractice. We see it as a Valentine to former son-in-law Michael Jackson. Unfortunately, the family that does atrocious things to their heads together, doesn’t stay together.
• Heather Mills is going to write children’s books. We can only imagine the titles: Good Night, Integrity. The Little Gold-Digger That Could. Greenbacks and Ham. We could do this all day...
• Girls Gone Wild sleazebag Joe Francis is profiled in GQ, comparing himself to Rosa Parks and promising to punch a woman in the face. We’re not making that up.
• Natalie Portman complains that due to her successful acting career, she missed out on childhood. Nat, you’re drop-dead gorgeous and ridiculously wealthy. If you want to trade that for our dodgeball scars and busted Easy-Bake oven, they're all yours.