This year's Oscar nominations have been an emotional roller coaster, you guys. There were endearingly humble first-timers (Emma Stone, how do you swear so adorably?). There was vindication for some of our favorite little movies (Birdman! Whiplash!). And then, sadly, there was the disappointing lack of diversity among the nominees, and snubs that we shan't soon forget (Why Lego Movie, why?).
It's enough to make us wonder why we got into this crazy business in the first place. But then we remember Steve Carell's fake nose in Foxcatcher and the movies are back in our good graces.
In the weeks leading up to February 22, there's going to be a lot of speculation about the possible winners. Some experts are going to consult historical patterns and data. Others will try to get inside the minds of the Academy members. Here at E! Online, though, we're making our predictions based on a completely legitimate scientific method that we just made up five minutes ago.
There's a good chance that few to none of our selections will prove correct, but isn't that the beauty of these damn awards shows anyway? Not even Meryl Streep herself knows who's going to win. And if believing in Meryl is wrong, we don't want to be right.
Actor in a Leading Role
Winner: Steve Carell for Foxcatcher
Scientific reason: If a role forces you to gain weight and wear the scariest prosthetic nose in film history, you're going to be rewarded. Plus, it would be just plain ironic if Carell, king of The Office, actually won an Oscar before he won an Emmy.
Actor in a Supporting Role
Winner: J.K. Simmons for Whiplash
Scientific reason: We could wax poetic about this movie for hours—and not just because Miles Teller is totally hot as a tortured artist. And yeah, Simmons was good and scary and probably also a genius, but we're really just glad someone his finally recognizing his talent. Because seriously, how good is he in those insurance commercials? He made us believe that he was Farmers.
Actress in a Leading Role
Winner: Reese Witherspoon for Wild
Scientific reason: Ain't nobody in Hollywood that can walk better than Reese.
Actress in a Supporting Role
Winner: Emma Stone for Birdman
Scientific reason: This category should really be titled "Who out there thinks they can take on Meryl Streep?" It's not certain whether Stone can actually topple Queen Meryl, but we'd love to see the two of them bond over the category at the after party and then become best friends. Oh, and we're available if they decide to host, like, a joint sleepover.
Animated Feature Film
Winner: Big Hero 6
Scientific reason: Literally what happened here? We'd rather not even dignify this travesty of a category with a prediction. Long live The Lego Movie. But if we have to pick one of the noms, we're going with big man Baymax. Because try as we might, we just can't be mad at him.
Best Picture
Winner: Boyhood
Scientific reason: The Academy members are going to vote based on which movie made them sob the hardest, right?