ABCLooking for a little career guidance? Look no further than ABC's The Bachelor!
While the rest of the world is running around trying to do real jobs—like, you know, stuff that actually pays you a paycheck with actual money—the hit reality series has shown America that you can basically do ANYTHING in life and call it a job. Just look at Ben Higgins' batch of ladies...with "twin" actually being listed as an occupation. For TWO women.
And last season wasn't any better, with Tara, the "sport fishing enthusiast" from Ft. Lauderdale, Florida being the stand-out. Wait, no sorry, the title was "Sport Fishing Enthusiast," because when you capitalize it, it sounds way more official and job-like. It turned out that Tara was actually more of a "whiskey enthusiast" which means that she is probably a "drunk boating enthusiast," but that is neither here nor there. What's important is: She has a job! So she can be on this show and win a man! It's all in the name of true love, people.
Also ranking high in the LOL factor in season 19 was Reegan, who works as a "Donated Tissue Specialist." You remember her...The one who brought Bachelor Chris Soules a "heart" in an Igloo cooler? Nothing says romance like body parts gushing with blood!
Now, we all know that anyone with a ludicrous-sounding job on The Bachelor totally made that crap up, because their REAL job is "wannabe reality star," right? But let's take a look at the best fake jobs over the years and see where some of Ben H.'s ladies land:
21. "Beer Chemist": Brit, Season 9. We know what happens when you mix beer and Pop Rocks, too.
20. "Internet Entrepreneur": Lyndsie, Ooh, is she that girl who asked for donations for her drunk Uber rides?
19. "Socialite": Erica Rose, Season 9. Even Paris Hilton would probably tell you now that's not a REAL job.
18. "Sorority Recruiter": Peyton, Season 10. Just...no.
17. "Hot Dog Vendor": Erin, Season 12. We just aren't buying it.
16. "Former Miss Illinois": Catherine, Season 10. Nice, but not a job!
15. "Dolphin Trainer": Laura, Season 9. OK, this is a legit job but must be mentioned here because this was a suitor for a PRINCE.
14. "Menswear Buyer": Nicole, Season 13. Hey, us too! Every Father's Day!
13. "Apparel Merchant": Alli, Season 15. Sooo… You are a sales associate.
12. "Boutique Sales Worker": Jade, Season 11. Sooo… You are a sales associate.
11. "Fashion Sales Rep": Rachel, Season 16. Sooo… You are a sales associate.
10. "Donated Tissue Specialist": Reegan, Season 19. Anyone who brings a fake heart to a reality dating show cannot be taken seriously.
9. "Casino Marketing Rep": Emily, Season 13. It just sounds off.
8. "Jumbotron Operator": Paige, Season 17. Really? Or were you caught once on the Kiss Cam?
7. "Manscaper": Raichel, Season 15. And now our minds have gone to terrible places.
6. "Dog Lover": Kelly, Season 18. If this really were employment, think of how many millions of Americans would suddenly have new jobs! Work on that, Obama.
5. "Sport Fishing Enthusiast": Tara, Season 19. Seriously, Obama, we are solving the nation's unemployment crisis here right and left. You like fishing? That's a job! Boom.
4. "Chicken Enthusiast": Tiara, Season 20: The only thing weirder than a sport fishing enthusiast? A chicken enthusiast.
3. "Free Spirit": Lucy, Season 18. Best word ever for "unemployed." We applaud you, Lucy.
2. "Attorney and Former White House Aide": Denise, Season 12. Number two because…WHAT ARE YOU DOING ON THIS SHOW?! That can't be real.
1. "Twin": Emily and Haley, Season 20: NOT A JOB. THIS IS A BIOLOGICAL FACT.
And this all serves as a friendly reminder: Kids, stay in school!