He's a jokester, that Smaug! Someone give that dragon his own show!
The Hobbit movies' hot-tempered, deep-voiced, fire-breathing villain, who is portrayed by (your boyfriend) Benedict Cumberbatch, put his Middle-earth peep-terrorizing duties aside to sit down with superfan Stephen Colbert for an intimate interview on The Colbert Report.
In an episode that aired on Thursday, less than a week before the Dec. 17 release of the third and final movie in the series, The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies, Smaug discussed life, politics and pop culture and showcased a sharp sense of humor as well as...quite the ego. And potty mouth. And naturally, he made a smashing entrance. Watch the hilarious interview above.
"I want you to know that I am not intimidated by you even though you have a reputation as a tough interview, because you often eat the host," Colbert says.
"I eat a lot of things, Ssstephennn," Smaug replied. "But you needn't worry. You're my last interview of the day. I've already filled up on the ladies of The View, and my, weren't they a feast!"
Here are five key things he revealed about himself:
1. Smaug will not be voting Democrat...or Republican
The dragon revealed his pick for president for the upcoming 2016 U.S. elections, whose political views may be the most appealing for the villain who sits on a massive pile of gold and is a fiscal conservative like Colbert's onscreen alter ego.
2. His character's not really evil, he's just misunderstood, because of politics
"It's just typical, liberal Hollywood bias!" he said. "It's hard for conservatives to get good roles in this town."
He noted that he and a famous leading man of a hit '90s comedy series are "always up for the same part" because of this.
3. Shade! Smaug is NOT impressed with his cousins on Game of Thrones or Toothless from How to Train Your Dragon
He has rather unflattering nicknames for Daenerys Targaryen's children and the cute little guy.
"I am an old school worm. Keeping it real, yo. Doing what dragons do," he says, adding, "I invented the hostile takeover. I. Take. Your. Treasure. I. Drink. Your. Milkshake! *Sluuuuurp!""
4. His name is often mispronounced
He and Colbert get into a mini-argument about the correct pronunciation of "Smaug."
"Just call me Dude," he says, defeated.
5. He also throws shade at The Hobbit star Orlando Bloom and Martin Freeman and...someone surprising
"I was offered a role on Sherlock," he says, referring to the hit BBC series that stars the latter two people. "I turned them down, of course. I mean, who wants to play second fiddle to that hack, Cumberbatch?"