Early Saturday evening, Paris Hilton saunters into the Four Seasons to do press for The Hottie and the Nottie. The movie is about two single L.A. girls, one of them hot (guess who?) and the other one not so hot (Christine Lakin).
Yep, I saw the movie. I think it's supposed to be a comedy? Maybe? More important, I know you want to know what the perfume magnate-actress has to say about her work. And, you know, her love life. Here's what I learn:
The Hottie and the Hottie Are Both Hot: Paris goes for natural on the face and neon on the body with hot-pink tights. And "nottie" Lakin goes all out—push-up bra, flowy locks. I don't blame you, Christine. Work it.
Paris Might Show Up in Your Megaplex: Hilton tells me she is gonna do the same thing she did when House of Wax came out: get dressed in costume and go to theaters to see audiences react. Citizens of Los Angeles, start choosing your outfits. And be nice to the ushers.
Ellen Page Should Watch Her Back: When asked if there are any movies she's seen and thought she could have done, Paris pauses for a long while and says, "I love the movie Juno." Wow. Can you even imagine?
Liars Suck: Here are the ex-Simple Life star's turnoffs: "Someone who's rude to a waiter," she offers, and "someone who will lie or brag." Got that?
Paris Dated Somebody Not Quite As Hot As Herself: "I dated a nottie," she says in a normal voice, not the nervous, breathy one she used on Larry King. "I'm not gonna say who it was. It was about two years ago." Okay, gossip hounds, do your research!
She Chose Hottie Over Other Jobs: "I was offered a lot of scripts," she says. "Out of all the scripts I read, this was the one I liked the most." How bad were these other scripts?
We Are All Lazier Than Ms. Hilton: "I have 17 jobs," she says. I really have no comment.
Michael Moore Doesn't Give a S--t About Paris Hilton: I'm outside, waiting for my car at the valet, when the Sicko filmmaker saunters out of the hotel. I let him know that Paris Hilton is nearby. His comment? A baffled, quiet smirk. Thank you, Michael Moore.
Fear not, people. I'll be back with more Paris later this week.