ABC Family/Eric McCandlessHoly moly, Tuesday! We are overwhelmed with television, from Pretty Little Liars to The Flash to Sons of Anarchy to Agents of SHIELD to help us, please, our DVR is trying to kill us. Basically, something nutty went down on every show we watched tonight. We could almost write a novel about it, but we won't. Instead, we give you this – a very long but very extensive and very excited Rants and Raves.
RAVE: Pretty Little Liars: If we weren't already in love with Janel Parrish, we definitely are now after watching her play Alison's creepy Ghost of Christmas Past/Present/Future. She showed us/Alison a couple of pretty significant things, including a strange moment when little Ali found two presents hidden in the piano, each containing the same yellow dress. However, when her mother told her to pretend there was only one present with one yellow dress, to keep her father from leaving. Hmm. That Ali-is-a-twin theory is looking pretty interesting right about now.
RAVE: Pretty Little Liars: Scratch everything we previously had on our Christmas list. We want Santa to bring us a line of hot guys (and gals) lined up on the stairs in sexy Santa shorts and little else, and then we want Ezra to cook us dinner, and then we want everyone else to leave, and then…
RANT: Pretty Little Liars: We were supposed to basically have no idea what was going on, right? Ali was kissing Holbrook and then Cece showed up in a white hood and we almost didn't recognize her in her weird wintry ball makeup, and like 14 people were dressed as some version of Santa at some point during that episode. Sure, maybe we were a little distracted by all those completely gorgeous sparkly dresses, but that's hardly our fault.
RANT/RAVE/?: Pretty Little Liars: We have many questions about what dream/ghost Mrs. D was talking about when she said "they" would be coming for Ali soon. We have many questions about most things.
RANT: Agents of SHIELD: RIP Tripp! You had 14,000 Agent Koenigs to get rid of and you turned Tripp to dust instead? Rude.
RAVE: Agents of SHIELD: Finally, some answers! Sure, these answers come with many new questions, but at least we now know who Skye and her father really are. We are no Marvel comics experts, so Wikipedia tells us that Skye's real name is Daisy Johnson, and she has the power to produce earthquakes, which is a very badass and terrifying thing for those of us living in the constant fear-scape that is Southern California. Good old dad, meanwhile, is supervillain Mr. Hyde, who can transform into an evil angry dude thanks to science!
What any of this has to do with whatever the Obelisk did to Skye there at the end remains to be seen, however.
RAVE: The Flash: Whoa. We hadn't yet figured out exactly what was up with that creep-o Dr. Wells, and we definitely didn't suspect that twist: Dr. Wells is apparently Reverse Flash. We suspect there's time travel involved in him being able to beat himself up, and we are completely psyched about that and also all of the things that are happening right now. Way to do a winter finale, Flash. Way to go.
RAVE: The Flash: We are also crazy excited for Firestorm, though we're already a little heartbroken from watching Caitlin deal with the sort-of-return of her dead fiancé, especially when he seems to have no interest in her in his new state.
RANT: Supernatural: At this point in tonight's roller coaster of televisual emotions, we can't handle these cliffhangers. Dean definitely just murdered a bunch of people and Crowley's mom is a total asshole. Is it wrong of us to kinda want Demon Dean back at least for a little while? He was fun, and we're already a tad bored with the return of the evil-of-the-week eps (minus the 200th, which was absolute gold).
RAVE: The Mindy Project: Mindy's Ken Burns-style documentary featuring Ken Burns about Danny was A+ perfection and he's damn right to have set off running to undo all of the damage he did. We were very very close to not loving him there for a second, but he figured it out there at the end. While a take-home version of Mr. Castellano is at the top of our Christmas list pretty much every year, we're beginning to wonder if we could actually tolerate Danny in real life.
RAVE: New Girl: Billy Eichner on all the shows, please! Barry Bostwick and Mr. Belding from Saved By the Bell also made appearances, but neither of them are Billy Eichner, and they never will be.
RAVE: New Girl: Schmidt's Long Island tirade through the first class lounge might be one of our new favorite Schmidt-isms. We're still quite fond of his hair chutney, but the phrase "dirty ‘ole bitch" has a new special place in our hearts.
RANT: New Girl: TV shows always make airports look so easy and fast and not like the total hell they are. It is literally impossible to make it onto a flight when you're outside LAX and your flight is starting to board – especially if you're flying Delta. Have you seen that security line? It makes Disneyland's lines look like amateur hour. Airports, amirite?
RANT: Forever: Who else totally guessed that the therapist would turn out to be Henry's anonymous caller? Henry certainly didn't suspect it, but we saw it coming from a mile away. Also, can you really be arrested for being about to jump into a river with boxers on? That seems fishy to us.
RAVE: Forever: We're sort of glad Henry didn't tell Jo about his "condition" tonight, because we're pretty sure she's not ready to accept it, and we might not be able to bear the damage that reveal might do to their adorable relationship.
RAVE: True Tori: At this point, this show is possibly the most meta thing on TV, and while we almost made this a rant, we actually think it's kind of interesting. Tori is pretty sure that without cameras following her around, she would have nothing, and there would be no point to her existence. Dean is never sure if anything is real while the cameras are on and he is determined to quit said show. All the while, all of this makes for some pretty compelling television. What have we done to ourselves, world?
RAVE: Selfie: Um, we did not expect for this show to make us so emotional, especially by simply having Eliza sing "Chandelier" and then get really drunk. WHAT WAS THAT AND WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO US? AND WHY IS THIS SHOW CANCELED? WHYYYY? We will never get over it.
What did you watch tonight? Rant and rave with us in the comments!