It's Thanksgiving, y'all!
Turkey? Yes. Stuffing? Huzzah. Pumpkin pie? Please sir, can I have some more?! Family members you are forced to see only on holidays? Ugh.
Don't worry, we're here to help you avoid those pesky people who you happen to share blood with. To help you hole up in your room on Thanksgiving Day, we've put together your ultimate binge-watching guide. Twenty-four hours filled with classic TV episodes, football, parades and puppies.
The only rule? Each program had to either be available on your TV or Netflix. No DVDs, no rentals, no mercy, etc.
Midnight - 1 a.m.: Cutthroat Kitchen on Food Network is airing their Thanksgiving-themed episode.
1 a.m. - 2:30 a.m.: Grab your laptop, pop some popcorn and queue up Planes, Trains and Automobiles on Netflix. It's the seminal Thanksgiving movie...mostly because it's one of the only Thanksgiving movies.
2:30 a.m. - 3:30 a.m.: Stay on Netflix and watch Grey's Anatomy's sole holiday-themed episode, "Thanks for the Memories," in which Izzie tries to host a friendsgiving before friendsgiving was sponsored by Instagram.
3:30 a.m. - 4:30 a.m.: Watch "Blair Waldorf Must Pie," Gossip Girl's first Thanksgiving-themed episode and one of the best episodes of the series. Secrets are revealed, french fries are consumed.
4 a.m. - 6 a.m.: It's not really a holiday until you watch a Hallmark or Lifetime holiday movie. Enter: The Thanksgiving House on Hallmark. Feel free not to tweet about this one.
6 a.m. - 6:30 a.m.: Have a chuckle or two by tuning into Everybody Loves Raymond's "No Fat." Tofurkey (!) is served, chaos ensues.
6:30 a.m. - 7 a.m.: Stay on Netflix with Cheers' season-five episode "Thanksgiving Orphans." Potluck gone oh-so-hilariously wrong.
7 a.m. - 8 a.m.: Instead of watching on Netflix, catch Buffy the Vampire Slayer's amazing (and hilarious) "Pangs" on FX. "To commemorate a past event, you kill and eat an animal. It's a ritual sacrifice. With pie."
8 a.m. - 9 a.m.: Netflix two of How I Met Your Mother's Thanksgiving episodes, "Slapsgiving" (Season 3) and "Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap" (Season 5), because people getting slapped is never not funny.
9 a.m. - 11 a.m.: Come on, you have to watch The Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade or they revoke your American citizenship. Watch with some bacon and maybe take a quick nap. You've earned it.
11 a.m. - 11:30 a.m.: Switch over to TBS, which is airing a marathon of all of Friends' Thanksgiving episodes, to watch "The One With the Football." Don't worry, we've included another one. Calm down.
11:30 a.m. - Noon: Keep the laughs going by watching New Girl's season one episode "Thanksgiving," on Netflix.
Noon - 12:30 p.m.: Stay in the loft for another half-hour and watch the festive season three outing of New Girl.
12:30 p.m. - 1 p.m.: Back to TBS for Friends! Which episode? "The One Where Ross Got High."
1 p.m. - 1:30 p.m.: Gotta watch some fellas throw around the pigskin on Thanksgiving, so tune into CBS for the Bears vs. the Lions.
1:30 p.m. - 2 p.m.: Catch the end of the National Dog Show on NBC because puppppies!
3:30 p.m. - 4:30 p.m.: You guys, The Vampire Diaries had a seriously great Thanksgiving episode last week. So watch it on cwtv.com! Flashbacks! Witchy woo woo! Stuffing!
4:30 - 5 p.m.: The Dallas Cowboys always play on Turkey Day. It's just tradition, so honor it by tuning into their game against the Eagles, their rival, on Fox.
5 p.m. - 6 p.m.: OK, time to sneak downstairs and grab some grub. The perfect episode of TV to watch while binging on some turkey, stuffing and the works? Gilmore Girls' "A Deep-Fried Korean Thanksgiving," in which our heroines stuff their faces at not one, not two, not three but four dinners. Inspirational, no?
6 p.m. - 7 p.m.: Digest while watching Mad Men's "The Wheel" on Netflix. Attempt to stay awake.
7 p.m. - 7:30 p.m.: Modern Family's "Punkin Chunkin" is up next. Four words: Turkey. In. A. Slingshot.
7:30 p.m. - 8 p.m.: Double-hitter! Watch MoFam's Thanksgiving episode from this season on ABC.com.
8 p.m. - 8:30 p.m.: Watch Fox's Cause for a Paws because puppppies!
8:3o p.m. - 9 p.m.: OK, last football tune-in, we swear. NBC. 49ers vs. Seahawks. Reward yourself with some pumpkin pie.
9 p.m. - 10 p.m.: Close out the TV side of Thanksgiving with Friday Night Lights' season-four episode "Thanksgiving" on Netflix. Spending a holiday with Eric and Tami Taylor? Clear eyes, full hearts, best Thanksgiving ever.
10 p.m. - Midnight: What better way to close out the day with a classic film to get into the Christmas spirit? Watch White Christmas on Netflix with some hot cocoa and get excited to ignore your family all over again on Christmas Day!
Congratulations, you did it! Feel free to pass out...or make an epic sandwich out of leftovers, kid.