Starbucks Will Start Delivering Coffee, Which Means Dreams Really Do Come True

"Imagine the ability to create a standing order of Starbucks delivered hot to your desk daily," said CEO Howard Schultz

By Jenna Mullins Oct 31, 2014 6:20 PMTags
Starbucks Coffee storefrontStarbucks

All the way back in 2009, a certain E! Loves writer had an inappropriate crush on Nick and Joe Jonas and a single dream in her heart:

And now, just five years later, her prayers have been answered. Wishes do come true, people, if you are pure of heart and wish for it really, really hard. And that means that we are only five years away from Taylor Swift being our best friend forever.

But for now, the exciting news is Starbucks revealing during a conference call with investors that the company will start delivering food and drinks in select areas in late 2015.

"Imagine the ability to create a standing order of Starbucks delivered hot to your desk daily," CEO Howard Schultz said. "That's our version of e-commerce on steroids."

A company delivering our tall red eye coffees so we don't have to go into a Starbucks and socialize with humans before coffee is our version of HEAVEN, but that's just our opinion.

If you're part of the Starbucks loyalty program (and you should be unless you're a monster), then you get the first chance at the delivery service and you'll be able to place your order from your phone with the new app Starbucks is launching next year. Think about it: you won't have to talk to anyone to get your coffee!

"Now what you're going to see in the years ahead will be a rapid acceleration in mobile device purchases and a continued significant migration away from bricks-and-mortar commerce," said Schultz. "There is obviously a huge prize there and that's why we're seeing so much activity around the payment space from all kinds of companies."

Unfortunately, Starbucks delivering coffees means that half of the internships and entry-level assistant jobs will soon be obsolete, because fetching coffee is 50 percent of the work.*

*Throwaway intern/assistant joke not meant to offend any current, past or future interns and assistants.

What does this all mean? It means that pretty soon, the human race will not have to move a single muscle to get the things they need and want.

This is how Wall-E started, isn't it?