We Might Not Recover from Tonight's American Horror Story: Freak Show: Our Rants and Raves

Find out what we loved (and hated) about Wednesday TV

By Lauren Piester Oct 30, 2014 3:26 AMTags
AMERICAN HORROR STORY: FREAK SHOWMichele K. Short/FX

Well thanks, American Horror Story, for that nightmare buffet of clowns, man-children, pedophiles, amputation, a botched suicide and toilet spikes. You know just how to put the perfect topper on our Wednesday evenings, don't you? Join us for rants and raves, if you can even uncover your eyes long enough to read it.

RANT: AHS: Freak Show: Well, RIP Twisty.  The clown was killed and taken by Edward Mordrake, but not before we learned yet another horrifyingly sad backstory. Twisty was a happy clown who loved children, but two pedophilic circus "freaks" were jealous of his job, so they spread it around that he was the pedophile.  Twisty's clown career was over, so he went home to his mama, only to discover that she had died. He tried to kill himself, but it didn't work, resulting in his messed up mouth. At least his mouth is back to normal in his new hellish afterlife.

RANT: AHS: Freak Show: Twisty may be gone (for now), but that doesn't mean our clown nightmares have come to an end. Dandy has officially lost it (if he ever had it to begin with), and decided to don Twisty's mask after he found his new "friend" dead on the ground. He then went and murdered his housekeeper, who was the only person in that household with any sense. We officially hate Dandy (as if we didn't already). 

Michele K. Short/FX

RANT: AHS: Freak Show: Well, we know how Elsa lost her legs, and it was one of the most horrifying things we could imagine, as long as we forget we ever watched Asylum and had also not watched the rest of this episode. Elsa was a dominatrix in Germany in the 30s, and was hired for a film. She was drugged and chained to a bed, and then her legs were cut off with a chainsaw on camera, and that snuff film was passed around all over the country. "I was a star," Elsa said sadly. We wept into the hands that were still covering our eyes. 

RANT: Arrow: Ra's Al Ghul is here, and he is not happy after hearing that the Arrow is intent on keeping Merlyn alive, when the League just wants him dead for breaking their code. We would be happy to have this classic DC Comics character on our screens, if he weren't now in an official war with the Arrow. That's a war that cannot end well.  

RAVE: Arrow: It still seems weird for a girl who isn't even old enough to drink to own and run a nightclub, but it was nice to see Thea back in charge, even if she does have Malcolm keeping close tabs on her. It was also nice to see her sort of reuniting with Roy, who is now the club's assistant manager, like he really has time for that. 

Bob D'Amico/ABC

RAVE: Modern Family: The fact that Cam sucks at finding Waldo is our new favorite fact about Cam, especially when it turns out that Cam can't even find Lily when she's dressed as Waldo for Halloween.

RAVE: Black-ish: Is it just us or are prank war episodes almost never disappointing? The Johnson family took part in an epic battle tonight that had the kids pretending to hate Halloween while planning a huge prank for their dad, while he knew the whole time and added to their prank in order to prank them. Even though we could sort of see it all coming, it was still extremely entertaining to watch, though we feel bad for Josh's poor nose.

RAVE: Nashville: Might Rayna be not quite as happy with Luke as she thought? She was super unhappy that people were crediting her 6 CMA nominations to her engagement, and promptly got Luke taken off of their upcoming Dancing with the Stars performance. Side note: We would not complain about Connie Britton showing up on Dancing with the Stars in real life. 

What did you watch tonight? Rant and rave with us in the comments!

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